I took my husband’s name for three reasons, practical, romantic and trivial.
1. My maiden name was always tricky for people to read and spell. Then I moved to the UK and started having the same problem with my first name and was tired of all the spelling and explaining.
2. I liked the idea of both of us having the same name, as a unit, especially as we didn’t want children.
3. I thought it was fun, to switch identities, to juggle two names, in the same way I now have two passports.
And since he died, having his name has felt even more precious. Choice is key, really, and knowing why we make it.
I completely understand how you feel Jessica, I was White, married became Cass then when I got divorced I took my mum’s maiden name - Dawson( she died when I was 18) I’m so happy I did that , I feel so at ease with a name I’ve chosen . And also, our Jack Russell is called Lilian Dawson after my mum! I hope you decide what you really want to be called… after all it’s your choice. My best wishes, Ali .
I was in a unique situation. My husband and I had the same surname prior to marriage (the beginning of our courtship was amusing 😂). So no name change was ever necessary and it was such a blessed relief in the end!
I knew from a very young age that if I did ever marry, which was very unlikely, that I would want to keep my name. My name was part of ME, so why would I take on someone else’s name?
When I told my long term partner about not changing my name if we ever were to marry, straight away, he said, “No problem, I’ll change my name to yours!” One of the reasons I’m still with him many years later.
I think the days of any woman taking their husbands name on marriage is completely outdated and feeds in to all the patriarchal nonsense women have to suffer throughout their lives. I'm 70.
Oh my this is so familiar - when I was born my father wanted to call me Ruth, my mother wanted to call me Melanie - my parents separated when I was three and so my mother always called me Melanie. However, when we emigrated to Australia, my eight year old self (for reasons best known only to me and which I can't remember!) decided to call myself Ruth - my ; mother was horrified but as we were in the office of my new headmaster at the time she went along with it; for all of my school years I was known as Ruth and then in my late teens decided to go back to Melanie (I've actually never written this down before and it does make me feel as though I have some kind of multiple personality disorder...) So now, as a woman in her 60's, all of my official paperwork - passport, drivers licence, health docs etc I'm Ruth but use Melanie, and occasionally I'll meet someone and be introduced as Melanie and they'll say 'I feel like I know you but don't recognise your name' and I say - 'perhaps you know me as Ruth?' Along with this confusion my mother remarried and so I had several other surnames to contend with...oh my goodness - lovely lady - choose the name you like the best and make it your own, no matter what; you're the one who has to live with it...
I didn’t change my last name when I got married. Neither did my mum so it wasn’t unusual to me. I never felt like our family wasn’t “one unit” or any less legitimate because she didn’t change her last name. Once I understood the history of our western tradition (in many other cultures women don’t change names on marriage) I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I absolutely respect other women’s choice to change their name - it doesn’t affect me - but I don’t think we make any choices in a vacuum in a patriarchal society.
I didn’t get married to my partner so my name never changed. However my children have their fathers name. It really bugged me that I didn’t have the same name as them especially after he and I split up. He eventually disappeared out of our lives completely. I never thought about changing their names but i always wished I had the same name as them. Now they are 25 and 30 it doesn’t tug at me any more.
I was named Ellen Forrest Prendergast. Forrest is my grandmother’s maiden name and I always felt proud to carry it. When my husband and I got married we decided to change both of our last names to Forrest to carry on the family lineage. The name would have been lost to our family just because there weren’t sons to continue it. I’m honored to have the name and grateful my husband was on board to change his!
When I married I decided to change my maiden name to my middle name and take my husband’s last name because it was unique. No one I knew had done it at the time. It felt empowering to be able to choose my identify going forward and to bring my past into my future. Almost seven years later and I still love seeing my chosen name on the mail.
Why not just Jessica Rose? Knight is a nice last name, but just Jessica Rose sounds so pretty.I think that you might be able to make your middle name your legal surname if you wished to.I have a great deal of confusion surrounding my name as well. I was born to a teenage mother who married my father and I was given his name, but they divorced when I was a baby. He has no desire to ever meet me, so I have no connection to my birth name. My mother remarried, and I used my birth name until people started calling me by my step fathers last name in grade school. He was a child molester, so that never sat well with me. She was married three times total and I never felt like my last name made sense to me.Then I was married, and took on that name, but it didn't work out and I was married three more times. Each time, I took my spouse's name and eaxh time I got divorced.The only reason that I enjoy my current last name is because it is the same initial as my first and middle name and so when I sign a painting, it is my three initials. But, I am not happily married and also do not feel a connection to my name otherwise. My current husband lives up the hill from me in a tiny cabin and I live down the hill in my own tiny cottage. I don't know if I will stay married, but unless I make up a new last name that begins with a 'C", I might keep his because I like my 3 initial signature.
It has never even come to mind to change my name, but now that I think about it, it does have a lot of emotional baggage. My grandfather has a though personality (both positive and negative) and I do reference the positive side sometimes, through my name. Strange...
My dad passed away when I was 9 years old and so I have kept my maiden name as a connection to him in both of my marriages. My name is my link to the family we were before we sadly lost him so young.
I totally understand. My dad left us and my mum to raise five children alone. She worked 7 days a week to keep us clothed, fed and housed. As I felt no connection to him at all, I dropped my last name in my twenties and used my middle name, that my mother gave me, as my last name, which is Marie.
I felt a lot of big feelings around changing my name when I married. As a result of childhood abandonment i never really felt a sense of belonging from my surname but it was too much a part of me to let it go easily. Complicated.
I took my husband’s name for three reasons, practical, romantic and trivial.
1. My maiden name was always tricky for people to read and spell. Then I moved to the UK and started having the same problem with my first name and was tired of all the spelling and explaining.
2. I liked the idea of both of us having the same name, as a unit, especially as we didn’t want children.
3. I thought it was fun, to switch identities, to juggle two names, in the same way I now have two passports.
And since he died, having his name has felt even more precious. Choice is key, really, and knowing why we make it.
Have you considered just being Jessica Rose? Lots of people have Rose as their surname…. Just a friendly suggestion…..🤷♀️
My friends last name is Rose! I’ve always thought it was beautiful
I have a friend in Englad who is Elizabeth Rose.It is such a beautiful last name.
I completely understand how you feel Jessica, I was White, married became Cass then when I got divorced I took my mum’s maiden name - Dawson( she died when I was 18) I’m so happy I did that , I feel so at ease with a name I’ve chosen . And also, our Jack Russell is called Lilian Dawson after my mum! I hope you decide what you really want to be called… after all it’s your choice. My best wishes, Ali .
I was in a unique situation. My husband and I had the same surname prior to marriage (the beginning of our courtship was amusing 😂). So no name change was ever necessary and it was such a blessed relief in the end!
I knew from a very young age that if I did ever marry, which was very unlikely, that I would want to keep my name. My name was part of ME, so why would I take on someone else’s name?
When I told my long term partner about not changing my name if we ever were to marry, straight away, he said, “No problem, I’ll change my name to yours!” One of the reasons I’m still with him many years later.
I think the days of any woman taking their husbands name on marriage is completely outdated and feeds in to all the patriarchal nonsense women have to suffer throughout their lives. I'm 70.
Oh my this is so familiar - when I was born my father wanted to call me Ruth, my mother wanted to call me Melanie - my parents separated when I was three and so my mother always called me Melanie. However, when we emigrated to Australia, my eight year old self (for reasons best known only to me and which I can't remember!) decided to call myself Ruth - my ; mother was horrified but as we were in the office of my new headmaster at the time she went along with it; for all of my school years I was known as Ruth and then in my late teens decided to go back to Melanie (I've actually never written this down before and it does make me feel as though I have some kind of multiple personality disorder...) So now, as a woman in her 60's, all of my official paperwork - passport, drivers licence, health docs etc I'm Ruth but use Melanie, and occasionally I'll meet someone and be introduced as Melanie and they'll say 'I feel like I know you but don't recognise your name' and I say - 'perhaps you know me as Ruth?' Along with this confusion my mother remarried and so I had several other surnames to contend with...oh my goodness - lovely lady - choose the name you like the best and make it your own, no matter what; you're the one who has to live with it...
I didn’t change my last name when I got married. Neither did my mum so it wasn’t unusual to me. I never felt like our family wasn’t “one unit” or any less legitimate because she didn’t change her last name. Once I understood the history of our western tradition (in many other cultures women don’t change names on marriage) I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I absolutely respect other women’s choice to change their name - it doesn’t affect me - but I don’t think we make any choices in a vacuum in a patriarchal society.
I didn’t get married to my partner so my name never changed. However my children have their fathers name. It really bugged me that I didn’t have the same name as them especially after he and I split up. He eventually disappeared out of our lives completely. I never thought about changing their names but i always wished I had the same name as them. Now they are 25 and 30 it doesn’t tug at me any more.
I was named Ellen Forrest Prendergast. Forrest is my grandmother’s maiden name and I always felt proud to carry it. When my husband and I got married we decided to change both of our last names to Forrest to carry on the family lineage. The name would have been lost to our family just because there weren’t sons to continue it. I’m honored to have the name and grateful my husband was on board to change his!
When I married I decided to change my maiden name to my middle name and take my husband’s last name because it was unique. No one I knew had done it at the time. It felt empowering to be able to choose my identify going forward and to bring my past into my future. Almost seven years later and I still love seeing my chosen name on the mail.
Why not just Jessica Rose? Knight is a nice last name, but just Jessica Rose sounds so pretty.I think that you might be able to make your middle name your legal surname if you wished to.I have a great deal of confusion surrounding my name as well. I was born to a teenage mother who married my father and I was given his name, but they divorced when I was a baby. He has no desire to ever meet me, so I have no connection to my birth name. My mother remarried, and I used my birth name until people started calling me by my step fathers last name in grade school. He was a child molester, so that never sat well with me. She was married three times total and I never felt like my last name made sense to me.Then I was married, and took on that name, but it didn't work out and I was married three more times. Each time, I took my spouse's name and eaxh time I got divorced.The only reason that I enjoy my current last name is because it is the same initial as my first and middle name and so when I sign a painting, it is my three initials. But, I am not happily married and also do not feel a connection to my name otherwise. My current husband lives up the hill from me in a tiny cabin and I live down the hill in my own tiny cottage. I don't know if I will stay married, but unless I make up a new last name that begins with a 'C", I might keep his because I like my 3 initial signature.
It has never even come to mind to change my name, but now that I think about it, it does have a lot of emotional baggage. My grandfather has a though personality (both positive and negative) and I do reference the positive side sometimes, through my name. Strange...
My dad passed away when I was 9 years old and so I have kept my maiden name as a connection to him in both of my marriages. My name is my link to the family we were before we sadly lost him so young.
I totally understand. My dad left us and my mum to raise five children alone. She worked 7 days a week to keep us clothed, fed and housed. As I felt no connection to him at all, I dropped my last name in my twenties and used my middle name, that my mother gave me, as my last name, which is Marie.
I felt a lot of big feelings around changing my name when I married. As a result of childhood abandonment i never really felt a sense of belonging from my surname but it was too much a part of me to let it go easily. Complicated.