Oh Jessica, every time I read one of your posts I feel your pain and anguish. I think your Mum is right, you are always looking for something, but it’s already there. Some people are shoppers, some are declutterers, some are tidy, some are messy, some are a bit rubbish with money and others are super organised. I think you (and please know that this comes from a good place, I’m not criticising) are always looking to be something that you are not. I know because I did it for years. I had a little imaginary version of me that was a constant in my day dreams. She had a perfect body, a perfect curated home, did yoga every day, had an incredible social life with loads of friends that would drop by for a beautiful brunch at her beautifully set table while she wafted around in her effortlessly stylish clothes from her perfect capsule wardrobe….It was exhausting thinking about her and yet not being her.
What I guess I’m trying to say is, life is short, just be you.
As soon as I stopped trying to be something I wasn’t, my shoulders dropped and that exhausting chatter in my head slowed down. So I accept myself, buy things that I love, not because they fit with an ideal image, but because I love them.
I’m a bit of an introvert, am practically allergic to exercise and really have to make myself do the housework - but that’s ok. It’s what makes me me, none of us are perfect and it’s such a waste of time trying to be. Do you warts and all. With love x
Travelling light through life is what minimalism brings, but all the baggage is carried inside. You can't discard it so easily as material possessions. I've tried, and am still trying, to make sense of it and find purpose. Some people are restless souls while others find their contentment quickly. The 'finish line' doesn't really matter in a way: what matters is the quiet, steady working towards it, and the generous, gentle manner in which you get there.
My brother is as different from me as can be - grounded, no-nonsense, found his feet many years ago and is settled in himself, his career and his life. I'm his polar opposite, eternally hopeful and endlessly seeking. I used to berate myself for this, wonder why I couldn't be more like him. It's only as I've got older that I realised both paths are each as valid as the other.
'The 'finish line' doesn't really matter in a way: what matters is the quiet stead working towards it, and the generous gently manner in which you get there' OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I'm going to write it out and pin it up somewhere. Thank you so much for sharing. I totally agree there is validity in the path of searching. I think it's like when we label girls bossy instead of assertive. We can view these traits negatively or positively...maybe we just haven't found what we're looking for yet. Thanks so much for sharing this Gillian <3
Hi Jessica. One of your last lines about 'Death Anxiety' reminded me of an article I read many months ago in the New Yorker, the title evades me... but the essence stuck with me. Of course if we had only 12 month to live many people would go off and explore and experience many things... but when they do pass away, all their things will be left to who/where/what. Someone else's responsibility to tidy away and sell. A little morbid to think about it, its true, preparing for death and throwing away things, but if you don't... who will?!
I live on the move, and am constantly load-shedding my things to repack time and again, so I don't own much anyway. Though i'm no saint, i acquire, i buy and hold like most humans do. Its a never ending dance with capitalism. :) When im tempted to buy something i dont need, I think of the quote "Every time we spend money, we are choosing thr world we want to live in".
Love that quote. I watched lots of you tubes on Swedish death cleaning which makes you more conscious of possessions during a lock down. It’s super interesting!
Your mum would say that I’m a searcher too, although I’m not too sure what I’m searching for! I know that I want to like myself, feel content and find my purpose, but I’ve realised that it’ll be a life long journey- there is no quick fix. I often wish I wasn’t an over-thinker and searcher, and I could just accept life for what it is. That sounds a lot less stressful and less effort! Thanks for your post. Xx
yep! that's the feeling! I was having this chat with a friend today about being an overthinker and how tiring it is and how you can just get sick of yourself lol. Definitely not alone Andrea, thanks for reminding me I'm not either xx
You're so right. The work is in doing the messy questioning of self. That comes with compassion eventually but it's not easy. I still like living in an uncluttered space though! But I prefer to look at minimalism from the perspective of minimising waste, using all the spaces and things you have rather that the Danish clean lines and single lamp aesthetic.
I've also found that searching outside one's self and giving time to others can be helpful in reminding you what's important - simple things like helping someone who needs it which can be as easy as talking to a stranger and connecting with another human. Reminds us what we really are - all interconnected in this strange world around us. Thanks Jess for your insights as always x
My relationship with decluttering feels like peeling back the layers of an onion to examine my core, my truest self. It has meant being deeply honest with myself and my limitations. Letting go has been accepting who I am not anymore (a person who wears dresses) and who I will never be (a person who actually opens cookbooks instead of googling recipes). And alongside the insight you shared, that leggings don’t matter, the workout does- I have been releasing the things I do not give life to because I believe that books are meant to be read, clothes are meant to be worn, and games are meant to be played. So if I cannot commit to doing the implied action, I am rehoming it to a person who will. My hope is that in doing so I will actually read the books that remain, use the art supplies, etc because they will be easier to access, use, and give time to. This layer of decluttering feels a lot more intimate than those before. It is a journey!
Oh Jessica, every time I read one of your posts I feel your pain and anguish. I think your Mum is right, you are always looking for something, but it’s already there. Some people are shoppers, some are declutterers, some are tidy, some are messy, some are a bit rubbish with money and others are super organised. I think you (and please know that this comes from a good place, I’m not criticising) are always looking to be something that you are not. I know because I did it for years. I had a little imaginary version of me that was a constant in my day dreams. She had a perfect body, a perfect curated home, did yoga every day, had an incredible social life with loads of friends that would drop by for a beautiful brunch at her beautifully set table while she wafted around in her effortlessly stylish clothes from her perfect capsule wardrobe….It was exhausting thinking about her and yet not being her.
What I guess I’m trying to say is, life is short, just be you.
As soon as I stopped trying to be something I wasn’t, my shoulders dropped and that exhausting chatter in my head slowed down. So I accept myself, buy things that I love, not because they fit with an ideal image, but because I love them.
I’m a bit of an introvert, am practically allergic to exercise and really have to make myself do the housework - but that’s ok. It’s what makes me me, none of us are perfect and it’s such a waste of time trying to be. Do you warts and all. With love x
love this Claire, thank you! Thanks so much for sharing and I'm so pleased you've let go of so much xx
Travelling light through life is what minimalism brings, but all the baggage is carried inside. You can't discard it so easily as material possessions. I've tried, and am still trying, to make sense of it and find purpose. Some people are restless souls while others find their contentment quickly. The 'finish line' doesn't really matter in a way: what matters is the quiet, steady working towards it, and the generous, gentle manner in which you get there.
My brother is as different from me as can be - grounded, no-nonsense, found his feet many years ago and is settled in himself, his career and his life. I'm his polar opposite, eternally hopeful and endlessly seeking. I used to berate myself for this, wonder why I couldn't be more like him. It's only as I've got older that I realised both paths are each as valid as the other.
'The 'finish line' doesn't really matter in a way: what matters is the quiet stead working towards it, and the generous gently manner in which you get there' OMG I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. I'm going to write it out and pin it up somewhere. Thank you so much for sharing. I totally agree there is validity in the path of searching. I think it's like when we label girls bossy instead of assertive. We can view these traits negatively or positively...maybe we just haven't found what we're looking for yet. Thanks so much for sharing this Gillian <3
Hi Jessica. One of your last lines about 'Death Anxiety' reminded me of an article I read many months ago in the New Yorker, the title evades me... but the essence stuck with me. Of course if we had only 12 month to live many people would go off and explore and experience many things... but when they do pass away, all their things will be left to who/where/what. Someone else's responsibility to tidy away and sell. A little morbid to think about it, its true, preparing for death and throwing away things, but if you don't... who will?!
I live on the move, and am constantly load-shedding my things to repack time and again, so I don't own much anyway. Though i'm no saint, i acquire, i buy and hold like most humans do. Its a never ending dance with capitalism. :) When im tempted to buy something i dont need, I think of the quote "Every time we spend money, we are choosing thr world we want to live in".
Love that quote. I watched lots of you tubes on Swedish death cleaning which makes you more conscious of possessions during a lock down. It’s super interesting!
Your mum would say that I’m a searcher too, although I’m not too sure what I’m searching for! I know that I want to like myself, feel content and find my purpose, but I’ve realised that it’ll be a life long journey- there is no quick fix. I often wish I wasn’t an over-thinker and searcher, and I could just accept life for what it is. That sounds a lot less stressful and less effort! Thanks for your post. Xx
yep! that's the feeling! I was having this chat with a friend today about being an overthinker and how tiring it is and how you can just get sick of yourself lol. Definitely not alone Andrea, thanks for reminding me I'm not either xx
You're so right. The work is in doing the messy questioning of self. That comes with compassion eventually but it's not easy. I still like living in an uncluttered space though! But I prefer to look at minimalism from the perspective of minimising waste, using all the spaces and things you have rather that the Danish clean lines and single lamp aesthetic.
I've also found that searching outside one's self and giving time to others can be helpful in reminding you what's important - simple things like helping someone who needs it which can be as easy as talking to a stranger and connecting with another human. Reminds us what we really are - all interconnected in this strange world around us. Thanks Jess for your insights as always x
My relationship with decluttering feels like peeling back the layers of an onion to examine my core, my truest self. It has meant being deeply honest with myself and my limitations. Letting go has been accepting who I am not anymore (a person who wears dresses) and who I will never be (a person who actually opens cookbooks instead of googling recipes). And alongside the insight you shared, that leggings don’t matter, the workout does- I have been releasing the things I do not give life to because I believe that books are meant to be read, clothes are meant to be worn, and games are meant to be played. So if I cannot commit to doing the implied action, I am rehoming it to a person who will. My hope is that in doing so I will actually read the books that remain, use the art supplies, etc because they will be easier to access, use, and give time to. This layer of decluttering feels a lot more intimate than those before. It is a journey!