Love this Gaelle ❤️ so true that there’s an abundance of peace that comes from accepting what we can’t control...which is pretty much everything 😆 So pleased to hear you’re doing well xx
What a lovely quote. After my husband passed away (fairly suddenly), I found all I could do was put one foot in front of the other and and do what needed done right in front of me at that present moment. And had to live in that mindset for a long time. I would have found that quote so helpful and know others will also no matter the manner of loss. I pray for all experiencing loss and hope you find better days ahead.
it's my favourite. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband Candace. I'm feeling so much better now I can't tell you. There's no way I could've written let alone published this when I was in the thick of it. Everything really does pass xx
I agree with you completely. I remember vividly sitting in front of the Relate counsellor with my soon-to-be-ex-husband - he'd just moved out of our home - when she asked me how I was coping alone. I said that I was getting to grips with managing the tighter household budget for myself and how interesting I found it. She stopped me with a smile: 'That is one of the most positive things I have ever heard', she said. And I thought to myself, almost wonderingly, yes, it is. I was giving my time and attention to something other than my grief and heartbreak, I was caring for myself and my needs, and it was good for me.
yes yes yes! And it can happen so slyly can't it where we don't notice until we look back and see how far we've come. Being in the thick of it is TOUGH. I'm so pleased you had help and turned to yourself in the way you deserved x
Thank you so much for sharing this. I found the answer to heartbreak for me was to focus on the parts of my life I could control. I still hope to find love again, but in the meantime I’ve rebuilt a meaningful life without it.
Wow. This completely sums up the heart break I have felt in the past. Like you, my default is to bury all feelings to the recesses of my mind. But last time, I let myself feel it all, all the five stages and it truly was the last time I felt the most human. Better days did indeed come and I got married and have since had two kids. But the irony is that sometimes I still look back to that time as the time I felt most alive. Perhaps because it was the only time I had really let myself lean into my true feelings. What an incredible blog, thank you for sharing.
really Pippa? That is SO good to hear, thank you for letting me know. It's funny how alone we can feel when so many others are going through exactly the same emotions isn't it? Talking is out is soooooooo important. It's fascinating to hear how you look back on that time from a future place to where I am now, makes me feel like I need to REALLY make the most of it. Thanks so much for sharing your story and wisdom xx
I really needed to read this! Thank you Jessica for sharing your experience and great advice. I let myself fall for a guy at work, who seemed to like me too. Then he suddenly went cold. I feel rejected all over again, without having enough time to recover from the loss of my 20-year marriage. I am finding joy again and feel like I have so much love to share--but nowhere to put it. I need to focus this fall season on really reflecting and coming to terms with being alone.
you're so welcome Rita. I'm so pleased to hear it resonated with you. Sorry to hear about the guy who went cold, but it sounds like he's not a right one for you. One thing that's really helped me shift my mindset with guys is telling myself there are LOADS out there that are right for me instead of feeling like I have to find THE ONE. Does that make sense? Takes a lot of pressure off and statistically I'm sure I'm not 100% wrong ha ha. You enjoy your alone time, but also don't forget those platonic relationships because they're said to give us more than our romantic ones do. Lots of love xx
I can really relate to this. I had a 10 year relationship end nearly 1.5 years ago, I felt I was wading through treacle for months and barely functioning.
So many people would ask me, even just a few months after it ended, if I'd started dating yet.
My default in the past has been to party, and I've fallen into other relationships as a resault which were far from ideal.
This time I've been determined to do it differently, and really nurture myself, which has been SO hard, but also so worth it. I stopped drinking, and started focussing on doing things I really love instead of things I felt I should. I'm the healthiest I've ever been as a result.
If I feel the urge to try and fix things with my ex, or look for someone else even though I'm not ready, or some other short term 'fix' I think to myself 'just hold your nerve Rebecca, you can do this on your own and this is your time. It'll be worth it in the long run'
I just started solution focussed therapy too which I love.
Thanks for sharing your blog and experiences Jessica xx
Love this Gaelle ❤️ so true that there’s an abundance of peace that comes from accepting what we can’t control...which is pretty much everything 😆 So pleased to hear you’re doing well xx
What a lovely quote. After my husband passed away (fairly suddenly), I found all I could do was put one foot in front of the other and and do what needed done right in front of me at that present moment. And had to live in that mindset for a long time. I would have found that quote so helpful and know others will also no matter the manner of loss. I pray for all experiencing loss and hope you find better days ahead.
it's my favourite. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband Candace. I'm feeling so much better now I can't tell you. There's no way I could've written let alone published this when I was in the thick of it. Everything really does pass xx
I agree with you completely. I remember vividly sitting in front of the Relate counsellor with my soon-to-be-ex-husband - he'd just moved out of our home - when she asked me how I was coping alone. I said that I was getting to grips with managing the tighter household budget for myself and how interesting I found it. She stopped me with a smile: 'That is one of the most positive things I have ever heard', she said. And I thought to myself, almost wonderingly, yes, it is. I was giving my time and attention to something other than my grief and heartbreak, I was caring for myself and my needs, and it was good for me.
yes yes yes! And it can happen so slyly can't it where we don't notice until we look back and see how far we've come. Being in the thick of it is TOUGH. I'm so pleased you had help and turned to yourself in the way you deserved x
Thank you so much for sharing this. I found the answer to heartbreak for me was to focus on the parts of my life I could control. I still hope to find love again, but in the meantime I’ve rebuilt a meaningful life without it.
Love this approach ❤️
Beautifully written and expressed. ❤️
Thank you 🙏🏻
Wow. This completely sums up the heart break I have felt in the past. Like you, my default is to bury all feelings to the recesses of my mind. But last time, I let myself feel it all, all the five stages and it truly was the last time I felt the most human. Better days did indeed come and I got married and have since had two kids. But the irony is that sometimes I still look back to that time as the time I felt most alive. Perhaps because it was the only time I had really let myself lean into my true feelings. What an incredible blog, thank you for sharing.
really Pippa? That is SO good to hear, thank you for letting me know. It's funny how alone we can feel when so many others are going through exactly the same emotions isn't it? Talking is out is soooooooo important. It's fascinating to hear how you look back on that time from a future place to where I am now, makes me feel like I need to REALLY make the most of it. Thanks so much for sharing your story and wisdom xx
I really needed to read this! Thank you Jessica for sharing your experience and great advice. I let myself fall for a guy at work, who seemed to like me too. Then he suddenly went cold. I feel rejected all over again, without having enough time to recover from the loss of my 20-year marriage. I am finding joy again and feel like I have so much love to share--but nowhere to put it. I need to focus this fall season on really reflecting and coming to terms with being alone.
you're so welcome Rita. I'm so pleased to hear it resonated with you. Sorry to hear about the guy who went cold, but it sounds like he's not a right one for you. One thing that's really helped me shift my mindset with guys is telling myself there are LOADS out there that are right for me instead of feeling like I have to find THE ONE. Does that make sense? Takes a lot of pressure off and statistically I'm sure I'm not 100% wrong ha ha. You enjoy your alone time, but also don't forget those platonic relationships because they're said to give us more than our romantic ones do. Lots of love xx
I can really relate to this. I had a 10 year relationship end nearly 1.5 years ago, I felt I was wading through treacle for months and barely functioning.
So many people would ask me, even just a few months after it ended, if I'd started dating yet.
My default in the past has been to party, and I've fallen into other relationships as a resault which were far from ideal.
This time I've been determined to do it differently, and really nurture myself, which has been SO hard, but also so worth it. I stopped drinking, and started focussing on doing things I really love instead of things I felt I should. I'm the healthiest I've ever been as a result.
If I feel the urge to try and fix things with my ex, or look for someone else even though I'm not ready, or some other short term 'fix' I think to myself 'just hold your nerve Rebecca, you can do this on your own and this is your time. It'll be worth it in the long run'
I just started solution focussed therapy too which I love.
Thanks for sharing your blog and experiences Jessica xx