This resonates so much. I've never found making friends easy, and I certainly wouldn't have 150 people to put in any layer of a circle! But I am working on trying to be a better friend, and work out why so many of my friendships have disappeared over the years. My partner is an amazing people person and I think I have leaned on him a lot in the past and allowed him to do 'our socialising', while I stand back in the shadows. I have printed this off to put in my journal and remind myself of all the ways I can contribute to a friendship, so thank you 🙏
I completely loved this 🫶🏼 to find my friends love languages is such a good idea. And the ripples also had me reflect on the number of people in my life I have a bad conscience about. Not being a better friend. Thank you for your writing!
It was so interesting and we all had such a laugh. I was like ahhhhhhh I’ve been doing it all wrong with some and then ohhhhhh this is why we love a snuggle with others lol
I love that you asked all of your friends. Why guess?!?! It's wonderful. My partner and I have discussed it but I haven't discussed it with most of my friends. The closest ones I do just know though.
Well something interesting that’s happened for me is that my languages have shifted. I was always words of affirmation and that’s still something I like but as I’ve grown more comfortable with myself I’ve really become more touch ... but since a lot of the people I am close with are people I met ages ago when I was less comfortable, it’s not something we share too much. But my partner and I have it in common.
Yes we are evolving!! I wonder if in cases where partners grow apart there’s also sometimes been a change in love language for one or both? Just a curious thought.
Fantastic tips! I think I left a comment on your IG post about a twenty year age difference with my best friend and it has been a rollercoaster of a ride especially as we had no idea about attachment styles despite my bestie being in therapy for most of their life! We have since discovered they're on the anxious side and I'm on the disorganised side, mostly leaning to avoidant tho. The part you say about asking them if they need an ear or advice, has probably been one of the most helpful ways we've communicated over the years. I grew up watching Sex & the City and loved the dynamic between them all and I really wanted those kind of friendships especially with women but it just didn't seem to happen. My bff is a guy btw and wouldn't have it any other way. That said, my job means I work in a heavenly dominated female space, and it has taken some work to feel comfortable with female friends. Growing up I was given the impression that women were bitchy etc so I did shy away from same sex friendships (even tho I have dated women). I can say I have some fantastic friendships now - I feel being on my 30s has contributed to this tho, as I feel so much more secure and like I have a lot more to bring to the table. P.S Jessica you inspired me to set up my own Substack. Thank you. x
This resonates so much. I've never found making friends easy, and I certainly wouldn't have 150 people to put in any layer of a circle! But I am working on trying to be a better friend, and work out why so many of my friendships have disappeared over the years. My partner is an amazing people person and I think I have leaned on him a lot in the past and allowed him to do 'our socialising', while I stand back in the shadows. I have printed this off to put in my journal and remind myself of all the ways I can contribute to a friendship, so thank you 🙏
Glad you enjoyed it ❤️❤️ I think friendships are hard to maintain for sure, like any relationship so it’s understandable they end too
I completely loved this 🫶🏼 to find my friends love languages is such a good idea. And the ripples also had me reflect on the number of people in my life I have a bad conscience about. Not being a better friend. Thank you for your writing!
You’re welcome! Excited to hear what changes you make
This is lovely. Merci Jessica!
De rien ☺️
So many great thoughts here. Especially resonating with knowing (and using) your friends' love languages.
It was so interesting and we all had such a laugh. I was like ahhhhhhh I’ve been doing it all wrong with some and then ohhhhhh this is why we love a snuggle with others lol
I love that you asked all of your friends. Why guess?!?! It's wonderful. My partner and I have discussed it but I haven't discussed it with most of my friends. The closest ones I do just know though.
And do you have languages in common?
Well something interesting that’s happened for me is that my languages have shifted. I was always words of affirmation and that’s still something I like but as I’ve grown more comfortable with myself I’ve really become more touch ... but since a lot of the people I am close with are people I met ages ago when I was less comfortable, it’s not something we share too much. But my partner and I have it in common.
Omg SAME!!! Mine used to be acts of service but no more! Soooo interesting and just shows we’re always evolving right?! Great noticing too xx
Yes we are evolving!! I wonder if in cases where partners grow apart there’s also sometimes been a change in love language for one or both? Just a curious thought.
Fantastic tips! I think I left a comment on your IG post about a twenty year age difference with my best friend and it has been a rollercoaster of a ride especially as we had no idea about attachment styles despite my bestie being in therapy for most of their life! We have since discovered they're on the anxious side and I'm on the disorganised side, mostly leaning to avoidant tho. The part you say about asking them if they need an ear or advice, has probably been one of the most helpful ways we've communicated over the years. I grew up watching Sex & the City and loved the dynamic between them all and I really wanted those kind of friendships especially with women but it just didn't seem to happen. My bff is a guy btw and wouldn't have it any other way. That said, my job means I work in a heavenly dominated female space, and it has taken some work to feel comfortable with female friends. Growing up I was given the impression that women were bitchy etc so I did shy away from same sex friendships (even tho I have dated women). I can say I have some fantastic friendships now - I feel being on my 30s has contributed to this tho, as I feel so much more secure and like I have a lot more to bring to the table. P.S Jessica you inspired me to set up my own Substack. Thank you. x