Interestingly I have a secure attachment style, had a great childhood and a loyal husband of 20 years with 2 kids BUT I still suffer from all the over-analysing and self-neurosis and loathing……. Where O where do we get it from?!
This is such a universal struggle, I wonder if it's not an integral and unavoidable part of being human. I had a win recently, regarding my artwork being offered in a new store that's opening soon. Ever since, I've had a voice in my head telling me that, in all likelihood, no one will buy any of it, for a variety of reasons. These stories are relentless, as you say. It requires generous amounts of tenacity and vigilance to hold those monsters at bay.
Jessica, when I hear this narrative from you, I feel you are going down the rabbit hole, which is what I say to myself when I have feelings as you do that overcloud us some day. Like Alice in Wonderland. I am a senior and look 20 years younger then my age, hence, yes there is jealousy because being a free spirit, taking off on a whim to London for a weekend, or Denmark, would be unheard of for others in my so called group. I find when we distance ourselves from those who do not appreciate or just are jealous of one’s accomplishments, weather it is looks, talent or career, then we are better off. I am looking at your life through a senior’s eyes with experience in everything you have been dealt with and told you many times. You need, as one male friend told me 20 years ago, always walk proud, you have something special to offer people. Those that can see this special person with talent and beauty are those you want to be around. Yes, I too, go low from rejection in childhood and child love of my life, marriage, divorce; and then to be disappointed by family members and men walking away not putting a value on me. I mentioned before I have a much younger male friend, since my divorce as my best friend. He will never leave me, he idolizes me and protects me, YET, I fear a more serious intimate relationship, because it’s easier for me, because I don’t sit and fret, he is going to leave me for someone else or hurt me. I know now after 10 years and seeing him even briefly for a coffee some days and many calls a day to make sure I am okay, he is never going to leave my friendship. But I fear a relationship he would. I have sent you pictures, a handsome man, a beautiful home, flew for the airline for 40 years and he had me on his family passes, whereby I can go anywhere in the world that that airline flys, hotels too. I can travel at any whim spur of the moment. But everything at hand’s length, but then again, I am now a senior, so I can tell you AGAIN and AGAIN, we both find you to be a very inspirational person, healthy food options, live beautifully in your homes, many talents and a beautiful woman. When the right person whether it be a boyfriend or a group of female friends to socialize with, are the right people that can see your value, these are the people to gravitate to. Funny, today at the grocery store, one of my neighbours and her husband went out of their way to come over to me after leaving the store, on the street to tell me, they think I am an attractive classy woman. So you see people you would never think know your worth and strengths. I told you before, and I tell myself each time I go down that darn rabbit hole, to climb out quickly and get on with positive things. I will also tell you it works for men too, because my friend was in foster care for 3 years as a child when his mother became disabled and then brought back home to live and this has left a scar and fear of abandonment. And I will never leave him either. So you see many people have the same issue. Please Please stay out of the rabbit hole, push to write, enjoy nature around you in France or back in England, write a positive journal or book. I told you about that Canadian couple, young who left living in Canada and bought a chateau, they use their chateau as a learning and art retreats or day events. Sarah and Steve are their names. They have people come to their functions and they are amazing. Her husband is a fantastic artist and wife computer specialist. I can see you going to something like this for a weekend and sitting with other writers and creative people and learning something nice and interesting. You are young, talented and beautiful and have so much time to get where you want to be. I can see people envious of your accomplishments. Keep going.
Jessica, I just want to say what a beautiful, insightful writer you are. Your thoughts and reflections are really helpful. Thank you and keep going - be happy.
I was only talking this week about how you may not be able to get rid of all the negative chatter in your head but you can, as you say rephrase it. You can also replace the voice with someone you trust and admire. I chose to replace the stubborn voices in my head, my parents, with an interactive therapist and some thoughtfully chosen business coaches and communities. I have to say its been working wonderfully. I love that your voice is now in my ears here.
Hi: I also find it very hard to trust even some of my female friends quite often, because sometimes I feel they let me down, even more then the male species. With the men I have the same issue as you keeping the intimacy and risk at bay. Almost expecting them to walk away. Then sometimes expecting too much from female friends to lean on perhaps. So now I call it pulling in my horns, I’m friendly and available but try and not appear needy or leaning on them too much. It seems to be working. I was the one always with the free tickets for events, because my law firm always had free functions available and I did a lot of volunteer work for the film festival here, so lots of events and planning fun group weekends away, even just to antique markets in country towns and planning all the time. When I stopped because I was the organizer, friends were suddenly not around too much. My father used to say you have a lot of good weather friends, but in a storm, they won’t be around. Father’s family and ancestors all born in London and have all of these sayings, which I held onto when he passed. I too sometimes sit and shake my head and wonder where did all of these friends go or leave. Same as the men, because in previous emails I had a husband too for a very long time and found is co-worker to his liking, so I’m not too trusting. I think I have chosen a male close friend, just friends, because I never have to think, he is going to do the same as my ex-husband did. My friend’s aunt it 75, husband passed and she never would get involved with another, but the charity she volunteers with there was another volunteer and low and behold at her age, she is in love and he treats her like a Queen. So perhaps we should not worry and hope someone comes along, that will also have compassion for our past life issues. Please don’t go down that rabbit hole. You are extremely young and a ton of time to meet the perfect person. I hate when you meet someone and are getting to know them first date and they are clinging onto, makes me think “are you listening to me, or are your thinking of other things”. From what I have seen in your videos you do a wonderful beautiful mother and other relatives. My male friend always says to me “I can’t believe no man after divorce did not jump at the chance to be with me”. Just keep telling yourself. I have a lot to offer someone, because you do. And keep doing those lovely vlogs and writing.
Yes yes yes. Therapy is such a great start to working through this stuff.
Interestingly I have a secure attachment style, had a great childhood and a loyal husband of 20 years with 2 kids BUT I still suffer from all the over-analysing and self-neurosis and loathing……. Where O where do we get it from?!
Hi Jess, your pretty much right to think all men leave, because 95 percent of them do!!!!!
Gosh, you sound just like me, IV had cats all of my life,a good few strays along the way! But now I have 2 ragdolls,
How many strays have you adopted?
This is such a universal struggle, I wonder if it's not an integral and unavoidable part of being human. I had a win recently, regarding my artwork being offered in a new store that's opening soon. Ever since, I've had a voice in my head telling me that, in all likelihood, no one will buy any of it, for a variety of reasons. These stories are relentless, as you say. It requires generous amounts of tenacity and vigilance to hold those monsters at bay.
Jessica, when I hear this narrative from you, I feel you are going down the rabbit hole, which is what I say to myself when I have feelings as you do that overcloud us some day. Like Alice in Wonderland. I am a senior and look 20 years younger then my age, hence, yes there is jealousy because being a free spirit, taking off on a whim to London for a weekend, or Denmark, would be unheard of for others in my so called group. I find when we distance ourselves from those who do not appreciate or just are jealous of one’s accomplishments, weather it is looks, talent or career, then we are better off. I am looking at your life through a senior’s eyes with experience in everything you have been dealt with and told you many times. You need, as one male friend told me 20 years ago, always walk proud, you have something special to offer people. Those that can see this special person with talent and beauty are those you want to be around. Yes, I too, go low from rejection in childhood and child love of my life, marriage, divorce; and then to be disappointed by family members and men walking away not putting a value on me. I mentioned before I have a much younger male friend, since my divorce as my best friend. He will never leave me, he idolizes me and protects me, YET, I fear a more serious intimate relationship, because it’s easier for me, because I don’t sit and fret, he is going to leave me for someone else or hurt me. I know now after 10 years and seeing him even briefly for a coffee some days and many calls a day to make sure I am okay, he is never going to leave my friendship. But I fear a relationship he would. I have sent you pictures, a handsome man, a beautiful home, flew for the airline for 40 years and he had me on his family passes, whereby I can go anywhere in the world that that airline flys, hotels too. I can travel at any whim spur of the moment. But everything at hand’s length, but then again, I am now a senior, so I can tell you AGAIN and AGAIN, we both find you to be a very inspirational person, healthy food options, live beautifully in your homes, many talents and a beautiful woman. When the right person whether it be a boyfriend or a group of female friends to socialize with, are the right people that can see your value, these are the people to gravitate to. Funny, today at the grocery store, one of my neighbours and her husband went out of their way to come over to me after leaving the store, on the street to tell me, they think I am an attractive classy woman. So you see people you would never think know your worth and strengths. I told you before, and I tell myself each time I go down that darn rabbit hole, to climb out quickly and get on with positive things. I will also tell you it works for men too, because my friend was in foster care for 3 years as a child when his mother became disabled and then brought back home to live and this has left a scar and fear of abandonment. And I will never leave him either. So you see many people have the same issue. Please Please stay out of the rabbit hole, push to write, enjoy nature around you in France or back in England, write a positive journal or book. I told you about that Canadian couple, young who left living in Canada and bought a chateau, they use their chateau as a learning and art retreats or day events. Sarah and Steve are their names. They have people come to their functions and they are amazing. Her husband is a fantastic artist and wife computer specialist. I can see you going to something like this for a weekend and sitting with other writers and creative people and learning something nice and interesting. You are young, talented and beautiful and have so much time to get where you want to be. I can see people envious of your accomplishments. Keep going.
I really love this idea of using What If to reframe and challenge these narratives. I’m going to give that a try
Jessica, I just want to say what a beautiful, insightful writer you are. Your thoughts and reflections are really helpful. Thank you and keep going - be happy.
manifestation and turning up no matter what our inner critic tells us. Thanks for your good work ..
“Imagine you were a talented photographer”, it’s that me?
I was only talking this week about how you may not be able to get rid of all the negative chatter in your head but you can, as you say rephrase it. You can also replace the voice with someone you trust and admire. I chose to replace the stubborn voices in my head, my parents, with an interactive therapist and some thoughtfully chosen business coaches and communities. I have to say its been working wonderfully. I love that your voice is now in my ears here.
Loved this Jess. I pictured you lounging on your bed in Paris me sitting on the floor while we chatted and pondered like deep, taught filled friends.
Hi: I also find it very hard to trust even some of my female friends quite often, because sometimes I feel they let me down, even more then the male species. With the men I have the same issue as you keeping the intimacy and risk at bay. Almost expecting them to walk away. Then sometimes expecting too much from female friends to lean on perhaps. So now I call it pulling in my horns, I’m friendly and available but try and not appear needy or leaning on them too much. It seems to be working. I was the one always with the free tickets for events, because my law firm always had free functions available and I did a lot of volunteer work for the film festival here, so lots of events and planning fun group weekends away, even just to antique markets in country towns and planning all the time. When I stopped because I was the organizer, friends were suddenly not around too much. My father used to say you have a lot of good weather friends, but in a storm, they won’t be around. Father’s family and ancestors all born in London and have all of these sayings, which I held onto when he passed. I too sometimes sit and shake my head and wonder where did all of these friends go or leave. Same as the men, because in previous emails I had a husband too for a very long time and found is co-worker to his liking, so I’m not too trusting. I think I have chosen a male close friend, just friends, because I never have to think, he is going to do the same as my ex-husband did. My friend’s aunt it 75, husband passed and she never would get involved with another, but the charity she volunteers with there was another volunteer and low and behold at her age, she is in love and he treats her like a Queen. So perhaps we should not worry and hope someone comes along, that will also have compassion for our past life issues. Please don’t go down that rabbit hole. You are extremely young and a ton of time to meet the perfect person. I hate when you meet someone and are getting to know them first date and they are clinging onto, makes me think “are you listening to me, or are your thinking of other things”. From what I have seen in your videos you do a wonderful beautiful mother and other relatives. My male friend always says to me “I can’t believe no man after divorce did not jump at the chance to be with me”. Just keep telling yourself. I have a lot to offer someone, because you do. And keep doing those lovely vlogs and writing.