LOVE this post Jessica. Super insightful. I did a short course of CBT therapy after a difficult time in my life. I found it helping to a point; understanding why I was reacting in certain ways, the science behind different behaviours etc. But the constant analysis of thoughts was something I found really unhelpful. Too much introspection isn’t always a good thing, I discovered.
After some solo research, I discovered metacognitive therapy, and read Pia Callesen’s book. And that was genuinely transformative - it’s been proven a far more effective treatment for anxiety and depression than other therapy modalities and I can see why. It massively transformed the way I deal with difficult thoughts, triggers etc.
Pleased you’ve found stopping therapy helpful for moving forward - and that you have someone to go back to whenever you need.
Thank you so much for sharing this Jessica, it’s really insightful. As someone who has had therapy many times over the years (in the form of CBT), reading about your experience is interesting. I’ve been struggling again since December swinging between anxiety and low mood, and decided a couple of months ago that therapy was the right way to go again. I’m currently on a waiting list for counselling because I feel I’ve done all I can with CBT, but need to delve deeper into where everything stems from and work on healing that going forward.
I’d love to know if you have any books on neuroscience that you recommend? I’ve also read a lot of self-help books over the years but some not as helpful as others sadly.
I did a Healing Trauma workshop through Mind Body Breakthrough the other year and they provided a lot of neuroscience links on the back of it. I haven’t read any books on it specifically, though I’m intrigued to see what’s recommended.
In person which meant that the realisation that I had the entire of one list of trauma and half of the 2nd whilst being on my own felt rather a lot. It’s up there with a whole heap of the best things I’ve ever done. Whilst not for the faint hearted, very much uncomfortable - painful even - it’s also been the most freeing.
Great question! Not one I’ve heard discussed before. I saw a counsellor for 3.5 years. Leading up to it I’d experienced a breakdown and was suicidal. He suggested I journal. I since describe journalling as a tool that saved my life (now it helps me level up in all areas of my life and I’m creating books and writing blogs out of them). Really, the breakdown unleashed the gift of courage - the gift of courage to speak up. During the time I saw him, I became disabled by the illness that had been hurtling downwards the same way my mental health were. Luckily, not to the point of no return as we have been led to believe in society. In the last year of counselling, I discovered the deeply healing benefits of bodywork massage therapy and yoga with the same therapist. So when my counsellor quite unexpectedly turned round one day and said “you seem really relaxed”, that was my cue on the spot to recognise I no longer needed to see him. Was that was I was looking for all the time I wondered? Could I have just found yoga and bodywork and skipped over the talking therapies part? (The answer later came to be no, not with reaching crisis point first, it’s utterly essential). I plan to continue yoga weekly and bodywork monthly for the rest of my life. Not because there is any kind of dependency there (I’ve since become secure in my attachment and unattached from so many things especially numbers related like money, scales, dress size etc - no longer codependent or seeking anything external outside of myself. Unless it’s for deep connection). It’s a space for me, a space for all of me. An investment in my health and wellbeing. It’s become part of my ability to thrive (not just survive).
My therapy duration lasted for 6 months. Like you, I found my patterns. Once I found it I realized the ways in which I can help myself. I realized that I was going to therapy to validate my feelings and I didn’t need more of anyone else validating me. I wanted to validate myself. So I stopped going to therapy regularly. I don’t say that I’ll never go back. I’ll get help if I feel I’m in real need of it.
Leaving behind labels and how they may restrict and define you is wonderful and liberating.
Embracing yourself and all of yourself with self compassion shines through with everything you do. I follow you here and on YouTube and sometimes see your instagram posts too.
Therapy and coaching can facilitate healing if it’s good and offers co-regulation but at the end of the day we have to do the hard work ourselves. They’re just guides.
Finding co- regulation and real, authentic and genuine connections with like minded people is as effective as therapy. And we can also find this online and in books.
Best wishes for your future. You’re doing great and I look forward to seeing more of your work ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
What a very empowering post Jessica. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for honouring the grief and the letting go. Thank you for sharing what this means to you, your heart and your soul.
As a healer myself, I appreciate it when folk indicate in some way that "that is enough." We are only transient in the lives of our clients...sometimes that relationship is long, sometimes short - our role is to empower those who come into our lives to be the best they can be and to share our skills in the best way possible, so that folk can find their own inner Medicine and become their own Healer. Your post is beautiful it is an acknowledgement that YOU are now our own greatest healer/therapist etc. CONGRATULATIONS. May your next step be empowering, loving and gentle, and may you always be kind to your heart and soul as you navigate all that makes you special. Thank you for sharing 🙏
I respect you and your decision. Ending therapy, especially after a long run, is always a tough decision. I think that for as much as therapy empowers us, it can have the potential to make us doubt ourselves and our own process and clarity. And sometimes we need the voice and guidance of an unbiased party, for sure, but other times we need to challenge ourselves to listen to our own voice. I think it’s about really tuning into our gut and asking what we need at different junctures in life. It sounds like you are listening to and fulfilling that need in other healthy ways.
“I think once we have a foundational awareness we can fly the nest and use the tools we’ve learned to charter our course from here on out”.
During a seven year period in my life, I was on different medications for my depression and none of them truly helped. I initially had sessions with a therapist but unfortunately, that didn’t last.
For me personally, what has helped me was to stop numbing my feelings with alcohol and just feel them which honest to God, was so hard. But I had to do it because there literally was no alternative. I read a lot of self help books, started exercising, eating more healthfully, and began meditating. All of these things helped me tremendously. There are of course days where I feel sad or days when my trauma responses kick in (freezing, fawning, etc..), but the difference is that now, I recognize what is going on and sit with the feeling whereas before, I’d try to run away from the feeling and numb. I’m still a work in progress and I still disassociate at times. But I’ve made so much progress in the past four years and that counts for something.
Hugs to you Jess and to everyone doing the best they can with what they have been given. We are resilient 💗
This is a great piece and I’m SO glad you have shared it with us. Gives me food for thought. I’ve been doing therapy with my therapist for 6 years now, with some breaks. It’s helped me through a very difficult patch of my life, but like you say - sometimes I know how the session will go because I have gathered so much self-awareness now! My therapist is a hypnotherapist CBT practitioner so I still have all the recordings of the 15-mins recordings we did - though they’re for a past me so I don’t often go back and use them. For me, bringing back in things that give me joy, changing my work, and having some medication (after resisting for YEARS!) has helped me enormously. But therapy is always there and I’d recommend it to anyone. 💕
I love this post, and so glad that you're feeling good about your decision.
I had a great experience with a psychotherapist who would only take clients for a maximum of 18 weeks, but preferred to aim for 12. She said her aim was always to avoid creating dependency, and she was clear from the outset that we were working on something that had a deadline. Her sessions were structured and outcome-focused, and whilst there was absolutely freedom to explore, she set very clear ambitions for progress which I always aspired to hit. That model might not work for everyone, but I left her having addressed everything I went to her for and more. That was seven years ago, and I'm still grateful for the tools she equipped me with.
If you're enjoying neuroscience and neuroplasticitiy and haven't read it, I highly recommend The Brain that Changes Itself: one of my all-time favourite books.
LOVE this post Jessica. Super insightful. I did a short course of CBT therapy after a difficult time in my life. I found it helping to a point; understanding why I was reacting in certain ways, the science behind different behaviours etc. But the constant analysis of thoughts was something I found really unhelpful. Too much introspection isn’t always a good thing, I discovered.
After some solo research, I discovered metacognitive therapy, and read Pia Callesen’s book. And that was genuinely transformative - it’s been proven a far more effective treatment for anxiety and depression than other therapy modalities and I can see why. It massively transformed the way I deal with difficult thoughts, triggers etc.
Pleased you’ve found stopping therapy helpful for moving forward - and that you have someone to go back to whenever you need.
Thank you so much for sharing this Jessica, it’s really insightful. As someone who has had therapy many times over the years (in the form of CBT), reading about your experience is interesting. I’ve been struggling again since December swinging between anxiety and low mood, and decided a couple of months ago that therapy was the right way to go again. I’m currently on a waiting list for counselling because I feel I’ve done all I can with CBT, but need to delve deeper into where everything stems from and work on healing that going forward.
I’d love to know if you have any books on neuroscience that you recommend? I’ve also read a lot of self-help books over the years but some not as helpful as others sadly.
I did a Healing Trauma workshop through Mind Body Breakthrough the other year and they provided a lot of neuroscience links on the back of it. I haven’t read any books on it specifically, though I’m intrigued to see what’s recommended.
Aww thank you for sharing that, I’ll take a look into it. It sounds very useful for where I’m currently at.
I found it truly enlightening, if a little triggering (lockdown meant we couldn’t do y it in peer
In person which meant that the realisation that I had the entire of one list of trauma and half of the 2nd whilst being on my own felt rather a lot. It’s up there with a whole heap of the best things I’ve ever done. Whilst not for the faint hearted, very much uncomfortable - painful even - it’s also been the most freeing.
Wow, that sounds very freeing. I can imagine it was difficult to sit with those emotions at first however. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Great question! Not one I’ve heard discussed before. I saw a counsellor for 3.5 years. Leading up to it I’d experienced a breakdown and was suicidal. He suggested I journal. I since describe journalling as a tool that saved my life (now it helps me level up in all areas of my life and I’m creating books and writing blogs out of them). Really, the breakdown unleashed the gift of courage - the gift of courage to speak up. During the time I saw him, I became disabled by the illness that had been hurtling downwards the same way my mental health were. Luckily, not to the point of no return as we have been led to believe in society. In the last year of counselling, I discovered the deeply healing benefits of bodywork massage therapy and yoga with the same therapist. So when my counsellor quite unexpectedly turned round one day and said “you seem really relaxed”, that was my cue on the spot to recognise I no longer needed to see him. Was that was I was looking for all the time I wondered? Could I have just found yoga and bodywork and skipped over the talking therapies part? (The answer later came to be no, not with reaching crisis point first, it’s utterly essential). I plan to continue yoga weekly and bodywork monthly for the rest of my life. Not because there is any kind of dependency there (I’ve since become secure in my attachment and unattached from so many things especially numbers related like money, scales, dress size etc - no longer codependent or seeking anything external outside of myself. Unless it’s for deep connection). It’s a space for me, a space for all of me. An investment in my health and wellbeing. It’s become part of my ability to thrive (not just survive).
This is a beautifully vulnerable post, Jess.
My therapy duration lasted for 6 months. Like you, I found my patterns. Once I found it I realized the ways in which I can help myself. I realized that I was going to therapy to validate my feelings and I didn’t need more of anyone else validating me. I wanted to validate myself. So I stopped going to therapy regularly. I don’t say that I’ll never go back. I’ll get help if I feel I’m in real need of it.
Beautiful post Jessica.
Leaving behind labels and how they may restrict and define you is wonderful and liberating.
Embracing yourself and all of yourself with self compassion shines through with everything you do. I follow you here and on YouTube and sometimes see your instagram posts too.
Therapy and coaching can facilitate healing if it’s good and offers co-regulation but at the end of the day we have to do the hard work ourselves. They’re just guides.
Finding co- regulation and real, authentic and genuine connections with like minded people is as effective as therapy. And we can also find this online and in books.
Best wishes for your future. You’re doing great and I look forward to seeing more of your work ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
What a very empowering post Jessica. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for honouring the grief and the letting go. Thank you for sharing what this means to you, your heart and your soul.
As a healer myself, I appreciate it when folk indicate in some way that "that is enough." We are only transient in the lives of our clients...sometimes that relationship is long, sometimes short - our role is to empower those who come into our lives to be the best they can be and to share our skills in the best way possible, so that folk can find their own inner Medicine and become their own Healer. Your post is beautiful it is an acknowledgement that YOU are now our own greatest healer/therapist etc. CONGRATULATIONS. May your next step be empowering, loving and gentle, and may you always be kind to your heart and soul as you navigate all that makes you special. Thank you for sharing 🙏
I respect you and your decision. Ending therapy, especially after a long run, is always a tough decision. I think that for as much as therapy empowers us, it can have the potential to make us doubt ourselves and our own process and clarity. And sometimes we need the voice and guidance of an unbiased party, for sure, but other times we need to challenge ourselves to listen to our own voice. I think it’s about really tuning into our gut and asking what we need at different junctures in life. It sounds like you are listening to and fulfilling that need in other healthy ways.
“I think once we have a foundational awareness we can fly the nest and use the tools we’ve learned to charter our course from here on out”.
During a seven year period in my life, I was on different medications for my depression and none of them truly helped. I initially had sessions with a therapist but unfortunately, that didn’t last.
For me personally, what has helped me was to stop numbing my feelings with alcohol and just feel them which honest to God, was so hard. But I had to do it because there literally was no alternative. I read a lot of self help books, started exercising, eating more healthfully, and began meditating. All of these things helped me tremendously. There are of course days where I feel sad or days when my trauma responses kick in (freezing, fawning, etc..), but the difference is that now, I recognize what is going on and sit with the feeling whereas before, I’d try to run away from the feeling and numb. I’m still a work in progress and I still disassociate at times. But I’ve made so much progress in the past four years and that counts for something.
Hugs to you Jess and to everyone doing the best they can with what they have been given. We are resilient 💗
Love this post! TY for sharing!
This is a great piece and I’m SO glad you have shared it with us. Gives me food for thought. I’ve been doing therapy with my therapist for 6 years now, with some breaks. It’s helped me through a very difficult patch of my life, but like you say - sometimes I know how the session will go because I have gathered so much self-awareness now! My therapist is a hypnotherapist CBT practitioner so I still have all the recordings of the 15-mins recordings we did - though they’re for a past me so I don’t often go back and use them. For me, bringing back in things that give me joy, changing my work, and having some medication (after resisting for YEARS!) has helped me enormously. But therapy is always there and I’d recommend it to anyone. 💕
I love this post, and so glad that you're feeling good about your decision.
I had a great experience with a psychotherapist who would only take clients for a maximum of 18 weeks, but preferred to aim for 12. She said her aim was always to avoid creating dependency, and she was clear from the outset that we were working on something that had a deadline. Her sessions were structured and outcome-focused, and whilst there was absolutely freedom to explore, she set very clear ambitions for progress which I always aspired to hit. That model might not work for everyone, but I left her having addressed everything I went to her for and more. That was seven years ago, and I'm still grateful for the tools she equipped me with.
If you're enjoying neuroscience and neuroplasticitiy and haven't read it, I highly recommend The Brain that Changes Itself: one of my all-time favourite books.