Dearest Jessica, it is so troubling to see how society convinced us that success is measurable. Not only that, but it has to be done alone, like the lone wolf ( which by the way does not exist, they always work and live in packs.) I love to draw, many love what I do, but many more may not think much about it or think it is really bad. But that doesn’t stop me from drawing and even showing it in Instagram. I call my self an illustrator and a writer because that is what I do. Never published a book, never gota dime for a drawing, but I don’t care, I am having fun. I will just be, that is enough.
What a great first letter to receive, it feels so light to think in this way like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. I would put on my list that my self-worth is not about being an introvert as I've grown up feeling less than extroverts and it's not the fact that I've been single most of my life. I'll do the list do add more things! One aspect in which I reflected about self-worth has been money and why I'm deciding to make more and my self-worth is not more If I'm poor, it doesn't make me more noble or make others more worthy of a great income.
This list is a very smart way to zone in on all the ways I feel like I DON’T measure up (not enough) + if I’m honest, all the ways I tend to feel superior to others.
Interesting stuff.
Thankyou for this thought provoking read + your recommendations (I checked out Terry Real).
Congratulations Jess on your brave new move recently 💕
I just listened to your simple letter while making my morning coffee - you have such a lovely voice for that medium.
Next week is the final week of my summer holidays, and your letter feels like a lovely and fitting contribution to the mental work I have been doing this summer. Thank you for that!
I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD last year (at the age of 34) and I have been working hard to understand who I am. Subconsciously, I have been trying to be different from who I am my entire life.
Now I am trying to find myself while trying to remember (or establish? Anchor?) my self worth in a world where my neurodivergence is seen as problematic in so many ways, even though it is what makes me who I am - it is a part of my core, a part of all of me. I really like who I am (as I am starting to find out who that is) - but my worth? As a human in the world? I struggle with that. My main experience of living in the world is being gaslighted in how I see thing and understand things (and I am not exaggerating here), so my anchor of self worth has not been in myself but in other people's experiences of living in the world - an experience that is so vastly and fundamentally different from mine.
You write, dearest Jessica, that "The difference is knowing our self-worth isn’t wrapped up in all of this. We have to separate the two to stay grounded in ourselves. Our sanity depends on it."
These words are so comforting and feel so true! I will keep these words close to me. I think they will help me keep my anchor in the right place.
I have a phrase that I repeat to myself when I am troubled and hard-pressed: 'I know my own value'. Even though I may change over time, that value is a constant, because it is myself and all that I am. I don't always feel comfortable in my own skin, but this helps.
Wonderful article. Thank you for the audio version, it really brings it to life and helps me slow down and listen to another instead of rushing to read something quickly. I was doing a self worth is not and self worth is list. It got me to thinking how much my "self worth is" list matches my values. I wondered if you found same/similar? Would you consider writing about values and how you determined yours? You seem so grounded!
Thank you thank you! Started my list with a deep inhale and long exhale! Here are a few...(noticed as I was writing so external).~ My self worth is Not; * How I look, *How out of shape I think I am, *What some of my family thinks of my choice to leave a difficult marriage of 37 years,*What I am doing ie: teaching or not teaching. I will continue to be aware of these as they explain how I see me and add as they become apparent with some Grace. Trusting the process!
Oh I love this. I often use a similar 'what it's not' method when I'm struggling to define something. It helps me stumble through the dark to find its edges, so I can then find out what it is - but I haven't yet used it in this context. Thank you for the inspiration!
Loved this letter and the idea of writing a list as a reminder - my self-worth is definitely tied up in external validations so maybe I’ll start a list of my own.
Wow! This piece of your heart is so so beautifully written. Being someone who needed exterior's validation for so long to feel seen and valued, this is such a gift to read.
I want to say that my sexual orientation is NOT my self-worth, nor the fact that I am an unpublished (yet) writer, that I don't like cooking or that my hair are short and I don't want to fit in beauty standards.
Wow This is so lovely and so real. I could listen to your voice for hours!! I always worry about what others think of me, my marriage breakdown contributed to this. I really struggle to find my self-worth. I help others in the form of well-being lead at my work but I struggle to look after myself. Thank you for being here. Lots of love Shell xx
Dearest Jessica, it is so troubling to see how society convinced us that success is measurable. Not only that, but it has to be done alone, like the lone wolf ( which by the way does not exist, they always work and live in packs.) I love to draw, many love what I do, but many more may not think much about it or think it is really bad. But that doesn’t stop me from drawing and even showing it in Instagram. I call my self an illustrator and a writer because that is what I do. Never published a book, never gota dime for a drawing, but I don’t care, I am having fun. I will just be, that is enough.
What a great first letter to receive, it feels so light to think in this way like a weight is lifted off our shoulders. I would put on my list that my self-worth is not about being an introvert as I've grown up feeling less than extroverts and it's not the fact that I've been single most of my life. I'll do the list do add more things! One aspect in which I reflected about self-worth has been money and why I'm deciding to make more and my self-worth is not more If I'm poor, it doesn't make me more noble or make others more worthy of a great income.
Wow, this letter made my day! What a power anthem for self-love in the 21st century. Thanks for sharing!!
Jessica, thank you so much for this letter. Like others have said, I needed to read this today.
This list is a very smart way to zone in on all the ways I feel like I DON’T measure up (not enough) + if I’m honest, all the ways I tend to feel superior to others.
Interesting stuff.
Thankyou for this thought provoking read + your recommendations (I checked out Terry Real).
Congratulations Jess on your brave new move recently 💕
I just listened to your simple letter while making my morning coffee - you have such a lovely voice for that medium.
Next week is the final week of my summer holidays, and your letter feels like a lovely and fitting contribution to the mental work I have been doing this summer. Thank you for that!
I was diagnosed autistic and ADHD last year (at the age of 34) and I have been working hard to understand who I am. Subconsciously, I have been trying to be different from who I am my entire life.
Now I am trying to find myself while trying to remember (or establish? Anchor?) my self worth in a world where my neurodivergence is seen as problematic in so many ways, even though it is what makes me who I am - it is a part of my core, a part of all of me. I really like who I am (as I am starting to find out who that is) - but my worth? As a human in the world? I struggle with that. My main experience of living in the world is being gaslighted in how I see thing and understand things (and I am not exaggerating here), so my anchor of self worth has not been in myself but in other people's experiences of living in the world - an experience that is so vastly and fundamentally different from mine.
You write, dearest Jessica, that "The difference is knowing our self-worth isn’t wrapped up in all of this. We have to separate the two to stay grounded in ourselves. Our sanity depends on it."
These words are so comforting and feel so true! I will keep these words close to me. I think they will help me keep my anchor in the right place.
I have a phrase that I repeat to myself when I am troubled and hard-pressed: 'I know my own value'. Even though I may change over time, that value is a constant, because it is myself and all that I am. I don't always feel comfortable in my own skin, but this helps.
Wonderful article. Thank you for the audio version, it really brings it to life and helps me slow down and listen to another instead of rushing to read something quickly. I was doing a self worth is not and self worth is list. It got me to thinking how much my "self worth is" list matches my values. I wondered if you found same/similar? Would you consider writing about values and how you determined yours? You seem so grounded!
Thank you thank you! Started my list with a deep inhale and long exhale! Here are a few...(noticed as I was writing so external).~ My self worth is Not; * How I look, *How out of shape I think I am, *What some of my family thinks of my choice to leave a difficult marriage of 37 years,*What I am doing ie: teaching or not teaching. I will continue to be aware of these as they explain how I see me and add as they become apparent with some Grace. Trusting the process!
Oh I love this. I often use a similar 'what it's not' method when I'm struggling to define something. It helps me stumble through the dark to find its edges, so I can then find out what it is - but I haven't yet used it in this context. Thank you for the inspiration!
Loved this letter and the idea of writing a list as a reminder - my self-worth is definitely tied up in external validations so maybe I’ll start a list of my own.
Wow! This piece of your heart is so so beautifully written. Being someone who needed exterior's validation for so long to feel seen and valued, this is such a gift to read.
I want to say that my sexual orientation is NOT my self-worth, nor the fact that I am an unpublished (yet) writer, that I don't like cooking or that my hair are short and I don't want to fit in beauty standards.
This is so fucking freeing!
Wow This is so lovely and so real. I could listen to your voice for hours!! I always worry about what others think of me, my marriage breakdown contributed to this. I really struggle to find my self-worth. I help others in the form of well-being lead at my work but I struggle to look after myself. Thank you for being here. Lots of love Shell xx
I really love this, Jessica. Thank you for sharing - I will make my own list over the weekend! 🌞