I've always had a difficult time making friends, ever since I was a little girl. I was the one everyone teased and shot snot-rockets at. Yep. I'm in my 40's (cringe) now and I have a grand total of two legit, close friends - one being my husband. I've never been the type of person that people are drawn to. I'm quiet (until I get to know you), I don't drink alcohol, I'm awful at small talk, thrift shopping is my jam and I listen to all kinds of music including folk and country. Oh, and I have inner child issues. I've always been the odd one, the outcast, the black sheep, etc. At this point in my life, I've just come to the conclusion that maybe I wasn't meant to have a ton of friends. Maybe just a couple are all I need.
#5. "I live in the middle of nowhere, work from home alone, enjoy a mixture of house and classical music, don’t drink and I’m introverted." I've designed my life to be lived by a hermit. I not only enjoy, I literally need Silence and Solitude to maintain my peace of mind. Is it any wonder I have no friends, with the exception of one childhood friend who lives in another country. So, coffee dates are rare. There's an element of shame around being friendless. It's hard to admit to my husband, much less anyone else. I'm willing and would love two or three girlfriends I can hang out with and share a laugh, or a cry with, on occasion. Thank you for another lovely, raw, thought provoking essay.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on making friends, Jess. I am a bit isolated as well, being a stay-at-home mum and an introvert as well. I would like more connection also, but it is hard to do 🧡
I seem to make friends through work, which is great, but I'd like to find the time to speak to/meet with people who don't have the same job as me. I love the buzz of a new friendship and I look forward to seeing how it grows with curiosity rather than expectation. I definitely believe in quality over quantity.
Thank you for sharing this and I wanted to say that I am looking forward to your first Paris vlog as much as the finale of Happy Valley! xx
My experience with friendship over the years has changed quite a bit. I'm 45. I think when you're in your 20's friends are easier to come by - people are out and about a lot, working, socialising, getting into relationships etc. I then found my 30's super hard with friends. I had babies at 27 and 29 which is kinda early these days - I was super isolated, introverted, just keeping my head above water, not working in my corp role, home with babies for 5 years, tired, disconnected. My old friends didn't know how to be with me, I desperately wanted to stay connected but it just didn't work. I kept one school friend throughout this time. She is having her babies late in life (46 yrs) so I am very dedicated to being a good friend to her - cooking for her, giving her my ear to listen to when she needs as it's such a confronting time and really lonely with babies. In my 40's I have met a great group of strong women, I run with these girls 3 times a week super early (5.15am) - going that early means all our different stages of life can't get in the way - it works for us. We love to run, but it's not about running and exercise - it's about a consistent connection. This is how to build friendships in my view - do something you love regularly together - simple hey?!?! I can't wait to get old with this women in my life. P.S. My hubby is awesome too - he is my closest friend but he is not a female. You need many different friends to give you different things. Life is full of seasons - you are in such a lovely one at the moment Jess - you're really embracing what life is throwing at you. Loving seeing it x
I find it easy to make new friends but I can’t say I’ve ever had truly close or best friends. Everyone except my partner feels like an acquaintance. I’ve always longed to have a couple of close friends.. the type who turn up at your house unannounced, and know you inside out. I’ll be moving back to my home city in the next month or so, and I’m still unsure about how I feel about trying to make new friends again. Will old acquaintances still be there, who knows! I’ve deleted all my social media accounts and honestly, I have no idea how to reach out to people anymore.
That being said, I’ll continue my hunt for my soul family.. so if you love horses, planning, journaling and country music, being outside in nature, coffee, cake and love all things woo, then hit me up! ❤️
This really resonated Jess. I never really found my tribe at school. I have a very dear gf from
Primary school and one from high school that live in the uk. I moved to Australia when I was 18 and I remember how awkward it was trying to make new friends. It became a little easier when we all had babies, but than came all the comparisons and realities of harsh judgments with women you haven’t know pre babies... but after doing some work on myself and letting all the shit go from my days at high school I’ve really found my groove. I recognise who to pay attention to and spend time on our friendships, in vulnerable with them. The ones I meet in our wider group that don’t click, it’s no longer personal. I can still have a friendship with them but it’s not as deep and that’s totally ok. I’ve realised we have different people that come and go throughout our lives to teach us the lessons we need to learn. I’ve learnt to be more curious of others and myself. Who can trust their own thoughts hey 🤷🏼♀️ 🫣😆
This was such an interesting read, Jessica. I feel like you were writing about me.
I too work from home, alone, am very introverted, I LOVE silence and being on my own, I don't 'go out' or drink alcohol, and my music taste (country, folk, alternative) isn't typically what people my age listen to.
I don't consider myself to have friends. I have acquaintances that I've met through having children (other mums I've met at school or at after school clubs). They don't know much about me, and they see what I want them to see. They've never been to my house for a coffee and I'd be mortified if they ever just turned up unannounced.
I don't think I want friends. I know that might sound weird when studies suggest we should have them, but I am genuinely so happy and content with my life how it is. I love having 'online friends' that I get to chat with when I want to, on my terms. In real life friends sounds exhausting and time consuming and soooo much effort.
I've probably made myself seem extremely miserable and boring writing this reply to your lovely post, but I promise I'm not 🤣. It seems when reading through the other comments here that we'd all actually really be great friends!
I've always had a difficult time making friends, ever since I was a little girl. I was the one everyone teased and shot snot-rockets at. Yep. I'm in my 40's (cringe) now and I have a grand total of two legit, close friends - one being my husband. I've never been the type of person that people are drawn to. I'm quiet (until I get to know you), I don't drink alcohol, I'm awful at small talk, thrift shopping is my jam and I listen to all kinds of music including folk and country. Oh, and I have inner child issues. I've always been the odd one, the outcast, the black sheep, etc. At this point in my life, I've just come to the conclusion that maybe I wasn't meant to have a ton of friends. Maybe just a couple are all I need.
#5. "I live in the middle of nowhere, work from home alone, enjoy a mixture of house and classical music, don’t drink and I’m introverted." I've designed my life to be lived by a hermit. I not only enjoy, I literally need Silence and Solitude to maintain my peace of mind. Is it any wonder I have no friends, with the exception of one childhood friend who lives in another country. So, coffee dates are rare. There's an element of shame around being friendless. It's hard to admit to my husband, much less anyone else. I'm willing and would love two or three girlfriends I can hang out with and share a laugh, or a cry with, on occasion. Thank you for another lovely, raw, thought provoking essay.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts on making friends, Jess. I am a bit isolated as well, being a stay-at-home mum and an introvert as well. I would like more connection also, but it is hard to do 🧡
I seem to make friends through work, which is great, but I'd like to find the time to speak to/meet with people who don't have the same job as me. I love the buzz of a new friendship and I look forward to seeing how it grows with curiosity rather than expectation. I definitely believe in quality over quantity.
Thank you for sharing this and I wanted to say that I am looking forward to your first Paris vlog as much as the finale of Happy Valley! xx
My experience with friendship over the years has changed quite a bit. I'm 45. I think when you're in your 20's friends are easier to come by - people are out and about a lot, working, socialising, getting into relationships etc. I then found my 30's super hard with friends. I had babies at 27 and 29 which is kinda early these days - I was super isolated, introverted, just keeping my head above water, not working in my corp role, home with babies for 5 years, tired, disconnected. My old friends didn't know how to be with me, I desperately wanted to stay connected but it just didn't work. I kept one school friend throughout this time. She is having her babies late in life (46 yrs) so I am very dedicated to being a good friend to her - cooking for her, giving her my ear to listen to when she needs as it's such a confronting time and really lonely with babies. In my 40's I have met a great group of strong women, I run with these girls 3 times a week super early (5.15am) - going that early means all our different stages of life can't get in the way - it works for us. We love to run, but it's not about running and exercise - it's about a consistent connection. This is how to build friendships in my view - do something you love regularly together - simple hey?!?! I can't wait to get old with this women in my life. P.S. My hubby is awesome too - he is my closest friend but he is not a female. You need many different friends to give you different things. Life is full of seasons - you are in such a lovely one at the moment Jess - you're really embracing what life is throwing at you. Loving seeing it x
I find it easy to make new friends but I can’t say I’ve ever had truly close or best friends. Everyone except my partner feels like an acquaintance. I’ve always longed to have a couple of close friends.. the type who turn up at your house unannounced, and know you inside out. I’ll be moving back to my home city in the next month or so, and I’m still unsure about how I feel about trying to make new friends again. Will old acquaintances still be there, who knows! I’ve deleted all my social media accounts and honestly, I have no idea how to reach out to people anymore.
That being said, I’ll continue my hunt for my soul family.. so if you love horses, planning, journaling and country music, being outside in nature, coffee, cake and love all things woo, then hit me up! ❤️
This really resonated Jess. I never really found my tribe at school. I have a very dear gf from
Primary school and one from high school that live in the uk. I moved to Australia when I was 18 and I remember how awkward it was trying to make new friends. It became a little easier when we all had babies, but than came all the comparisons and realities of harsh judgments with women you haven’t know pre babies... but after doing some work on myself and letting all the shit go from my days at high school I’ve really found my groove. I recognise who to pay attention to and spend time on our friendships, in vulnerable with them. The ones I meet in our wider group that don’t click, it’s no longer personal. I can still have a friendship with them but it’s not as deep and that’s totally ok. I’ve realised we have different people that come and go throughout our lives to teach us the lessons we need to learn. I’ve learnt to be more curious of others and myself. Who can trust their own thoughts hey 🤷🏼♀️ 🫣😆
This was such an interesting read, Jessica. I feel like you were writing about me.
I too work from home, alone, am very introverted, I LOVE silence and being on my own, I don't 'go out' or drink alcohol, and my music taste (country, folk, alternative) isn't typically what people my age listen to.
I don't consider myself to have friends. I have acquaintances that I've met through having children (other mums I've met at school or at after school clubs). They don't know much about me, and they see what I want them to see. They've never been to my house for a coffee and I'd be mortified if they ever just turned up unannounced.
I don't think I want friends. I know that might sound weird when studies suggest we should have them, but I am genuinely so happy and content with my life how it is. I love having 'online friends' that I get to chat with when I want to, on my terms. In real life friends sounds exhausting and time consuming and soooo much effort.
I've probably made myself seem extremely miserable and boring writing this reply to your lovely post, but I promise I'm not 🤣. It seems when reading through the other comments here that we'd all actually really be great friends!