‘I will also fawn to keep the peace and avoid conflict. It’s awful because it feels so inauthentic’. Same. I hadn’t even heard of the concept of fawning until a few years ago but I realized straightaway, that I absolutely do this. I think it started as a child, trying to keep the peace when things were turbulent. It became commonplace as I merged into my 20’s. I am grateful that now in my 40’s, I recognize when this fawning feeling comes up and I can see it and change it. Not always perfect at it, but recognizing it for what it is has been so helpful.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with setting boundaries. We are all on this journey together ✨
it was the last response I learned about too. I'm so happy you've recognise when it comes up now, awareness is more than half the battle - and you're welcome. Thank you for making me feel less alone xx
I absolutely needed this read as a person on a journey to healing of being a people pleaser with a lack of boundaries who also struggles with 'what to say'. Its ok not to go to every invitation or job offer especially if its not in alignment. Another great book on boundaries is "The book of boundaries" by Melissa Urban.
I can relate well to the test of learning to set boundaries. I’ve spent my life ‘putting myself in other shoes’ and being too kind due to being an empath even when they’ve been pushy or cruel to me. I’m learning to stand my ground and be clear with others and to not give from an empty cup.
I’ve given love, energy and kindness to others and it’s been taken but too often unreciprocated or they’ve been greedy energy vampires and wanted so much from me. I’m learning to give all that love to me first and it’s stopping me needing it so much from others which is so freeing!
I love ‘unless you’re acting like a king - you’re not coming over the moat’ 💖
I'm reminded of a favorite quote by Lydia H. Hall who says "Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are the gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden." 💕
I absolutely loved this article. I also am a peace maker, yes person, and over the years I have found that not having boundaries cause conflict with yourself and with others. This week, some friends wanted to do a playdate with my kids and theirs, and I work two jobs and its a holiday weekend, so I was really looking forward to catching up on work and resting. I almost answered yes, but then said it would not work do to travel (which is in fact happening on the weekend as well). My daughter was disappointed, and I explained how I was exhausted and if I can't get rest I'm not the best mom and I've hit my limit. And I thought wow, this is a good learning moment for my daughter in recognizing you don't say yes to all good things. Be purposeful with your time and value it. So thank you for not only an encouraging article, but wonderful wisdom :)
Learning to set boundaries is one of the hardest yet most important lessons in life. It took me a very long time, but I’ve finally reached a place where saying ‘no, thank you’ feels natural - and free of guilt.
I’m so pleased to read you got there. Even publishing this I’m having so much internal pushback with all those voices that tell us not to hold boundaries, that doing so makes us selfish or even a bad person. Thank you for sharing. What helped you the most do you think?
I completely get where you’re coming from. For me, the turning point was learning how to really love myself - everything started to shift from there. Once I realised that making the right choices for me was actually an act of self-respect, things became much clearer. There was no room for guilt or shame. It didn’t happen overnight, but over time it became second nature. Now, when I set boundaries, it’s because I genuinely value and care for myself. It’s definitely a spiritual and emotional journey, and I honestly believe most of us get there in our own time - as long as we stay committed to self-discovery and self-love, just like you are.
Yesssssss! I keep thinking of it like a fridge, when you’re full and not hungry you’re not just going to accept whatever food is offered. Thank you for sharing xx
In the past, I fawned to keep the peace. Not only did doing so feel inauthentic, but doing so also activated my abandonment wound because I knew, deep down, that I was abandoning myself.
But wow have I been learning a BIG LESSON since early May. My body started showing symptoms of fatigue, brain fog, joint / muscle pain, and more; however, I was not officially diagnosed with Lyme disease until the beginning of July. Maintaining boundaried unconditional love has been essential to my (albeit slow but necessary) healing journey.
Thank you for this post, Jessica. Have a great week!
‘I will also fawn to keep the peace and avoid conflict. It’s awful because it feels so inauthentic’. Same. I hadn’t even heard of the concept of fawning until a few years ago but I realized straightaway, that I absolutely do this. I think it started as a child, trying to keep the peace when things were turbulent. It became commonplace as I merged into my 20’s. I am grateful that now in my 40’s, I recognize when this fawning feeling comes up and I can see it and change it. Not always perfect at it, but recognizing it for what it is has been so helpful.
Thank you for sharing your experiences with setting boundaries. We are all on this journey together ✨
it was the last response I learned about too. I'm so happy you've recognise when it comes up now, awareness is more than half the battle - and you're welcome. Thank you for making me feel less alone xx
I absolutely needed this read as a person on a journey to healing of being a people pleaser with a lack of boundaries who also struggles with 'what to say'. Its ok not to go to every invitation or job offer especially if its not in alignment. Another great book on boundaries is "The book of boundaries" by Melissa Urban.
Thank you so much for sharing 🙏🏼✨
I can relate well to the test of learning to set boundaries. I’ve spent my life ‘putting myself in other shoes’ and being too kind due to being an empath even when they’ve been pushy or cruel to me. I’m learning to stand my ground and be clear with others and to not give from an empty cup.
I’ve given love, energy and kindness to others and it’s been taken but too often unreciprocated or they’ve been greedy energy vampires and wanted so much from me. I’m learning to give all that love to me first and it’s stopping me needing it so much from others which is so freeing!
I love ‘unless you’re acting like a king - you’re not coming over the moat’ 💖
I'm reminded of a favorite quote by Lydia H. Hall who says "Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are the gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden." 💕
Oh yes! I love this so much. Precious words to hold close xx
I absolutely loved this article. I also am a peace maker, yes person, and over the years I have found that not having boundaries cause conflict with yourself and with others. This week, some friends wanted to do a playdate with my kids and theirs, and I work two jobs and its a holiday weekend, so I was really looking forward to catching up on work and resting. I almost answered yes, but then said it would not work do to travel (which is in fact happening on the weekend as well). My daughter was disappointed, and I explained how I was exhausted and if I can't get rest I'm not the best mom and I've hit my limit. And I thought wow, this is a good learning moment for my daughter in recognizing you don't say yes to all good things. Be purposeful with your time and value it. So thank you for not only an encouraging article, but wonderful wisdom :)
I am SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU! Totally agree you're teaching her the most beautiful lessons she'll carry with her xx
Learning to set boundaries is one of the hardest yet most important lessons in life. It took me a very long time, but I’ve finally reached a place where saying ‘no, thank you’ feels natural - and free of guilt.
I’m so pleased to read you got there. Even publishing this I’m having so much internal pushback with all those voices that tell us not to hold boundaries, that doing so makes us selfish or even a bad person. Thank you for sharing. What helped you the most do you think?
I completely get where you’re coming from. For me, the turning point was learning how to really love myself - everything started to shift from there. Once I realised that making the right choices for me was actually an act of self-respect, things became much clearer. There was no room for guilt or shame. It didn’t happen overnight, but over time it became second nature. Now, when I set boundaries, it’s because I genuinely value and care for myself. It’s definitely a spiritual and emotional journey, and I honestly believe most of us get there in our own time - as long as we stay committed to self-discovery and self-love, just like you are.
Yesssssss! I keep thinking of it like a fridge, when you’re full and not hungry you’re not just going to accept whatever food is offered. Thank you for sharing xx
Love this!
You're welcome xx
…the tale of the king and the moat. Now that is a transformative gem of wisdom! 💎✨
I’m glad you found value in it 🤍✨🦢
In the past, I fawned to keep the peace. Not only did doing so feel inauthentic, but doing so also activated my abandonment wound because I knew, deep down, that I was abandoning myself.
But wow have I been learning a BIG LESSON since early May. My body started showing symptoms of fatigue, brain fog, joint / muscle pain, and more; however, I was not officially diagnosed with Lyme disease until the beginning of July. Maintaining boundaried unconditional love has been essential to my (albeit slow but necessary) healing journey.
Thank you for this post, Jessica. Have a great week!