Embracing the self-love summer

A how to guide.

Hello you!

We’ve had hot girl summer, soft girl summer and last year I had single girl summer. Annoying and zeitgeist to some, call me basic but I find these online trends and themes fun. I’m not sure why summer is always the target season but it is true I feel the need to theme it more than the rest. Perhaps the sunshine is to blame, so precious because it’s fleeting, or the somber mood we naturally lull into as a collective in the longest shadows. We want to make the most of these particular months. Our summer memories are some of those we treasure closest.

This year I’ve chosen a self-love summer. It’s what I feel I need and I love the idea of turning a summer romance around on yourself. I feel curious what could happen as a result. These themed seasons can be just that - a fun experiment where we might learn something new about ourselves and others.

The idea was born from a passage I read in Bell Hook’s truly beautiful All About Love recently. She writes…

‘One of the best guides to how to be self-loving is to give ourselves the love we are often dreaming of receiving from others. Do not expect to receive the love from someone else you do not give to yourself. In an ideal world we would all learn in childhood to love ourselves. We would grow, be secure in our worth and value, spreading love wherever we want, letting our light shine. If we did not learn self-love in our youth, there is still hope. The light of love is always in us, no matter how cold the flame. It is always present, waiting for the spark to ignite, waiting for the heart to awaken and call us back to our first memory of being the life force inside a dark place waiting to be born - waiting to see the light.’

I cannot remember the last time I underlined a book as much as this one and if you’re interested in the concept of love or bringing more love into your life (both platonic and romantic) it’s a must read. The pages of my copy are dog eared and covered in scribbles, but these words in particular penetrated my heart. Give me some of that I thought, and summer is the perfect time to bathe in it.

Perhaps you felt the power of summer solstice? It’s always a transformative time for me, full of energy shifts, realisations and new ideas. This year, following the routine check in process (you can do your own here) I wrote a what felt like a grand statement in my journal.

I’m going to conquer my fear of intimacy.

Bold I know. But I mean it. My fears around love are a long standing hinderance to life satisfaction. I’m ready to tackle them and I know / trust good things lay on the other side. The first step, I’ve realised, lies in the relationship with myself, which is kind of a relief because at least I have some autonomy over this and can make a start right away. This summer is where the work will begin.

Step one was to make a list. Always a good start right? We love a list!