Thanks for writing this, I think it's something people don't often talk about. Me and my husband made similar choices five years ago when we simplified down to the essentials. This led to us selling our house & buying a small apartment in an area we loved. This was so freeing! It has opened up so many more possibilities for us.
awwwwwwwwhhhhhh! I love this for you guys Kate! Thanks for sharing. Are you still there? What happened next? I'm also curious was there anything you thought you wanted that suddenly dissipated with the lifestyle shift?
Thanks! :) We are still here, I dropped my working hours so I get more time to write, and my husband went into teaching, which he loves. There wasn't so much anything we thought we wanted but we definitely felt we had to "conform" to society's expectations. Get married, have a family, live in a house, buy a bigger house...and so on. When we realised we could step off the treadmill and live differently to the people around us, people thought we were mad! But we are so much happier than when we had a huge mortgage. I so wish we had made these decisions when we first started out!
❤️❤️❤️❤️ go you guys! Haha people totally think you're mad don't they 😂 Did you find this confronting at first? It used to really bother me but now I just find it funny. I'm so happy to hear you did what felt right for you and it led you to a positive place
Haha, definitely! You'd have thought we were running off and joining a cult 😄 It did bother me a bit at first, but now I'm such an advocate for small living, I think they've given up on me!!
Thank you for sharing, Jess.This is actually a subject that has been on my mind more this summer. I paid off my student loan (about £16k) earlier this month, six years early. It felt like an immense milestone! There are a lot of dreams that feel closer, more tangible, now that loan is gone.
I have had a very anxious relationship with money, feeling almost sick just having to check my balance. When I moved to Copenhagen 8,5 years ago, I had no savings at all, quite a big student loan and paid off any extra expenses with a credit card, which resulted in a small, but rather expensive, debt too. And I felt anxious every time I even thought about money. Slowly but surely I have paid off the debt, put away a rather large sum in savings, bought an apartment (which is the only debt i currently have - but I know I can sell it without any loss) and - most importantly - have grown a healthy relationship with money.
I only work part time and I don't have a partner to help support me if times get tough, so I have to rely on myself. I like the challenge. I think I prefer it, actually. Currently I am saving so I can buy a small house for myself in the future. Start a slower, more quiet life with a creative business to help pay the bills.
Now my student loans are paid off, I can focus on saving for my dream, and living an intentional life with very few expenses has helped! I like the clarity it has brought into my life. And yes, I do recognise that I am quite privileged in many ways, but as an autistic ADHD person, life in an neurotypical world comes with a lot of uncertainty and difficulty, and living without debt helps me feel more secure about my future and my dreams.
you're welcome love! That's incredible...I hope you celebrated. Money is so emotional, of course it is. I think the neurodiverse aspect is fascinating, as you know my mum has adhd. So good to hear you're taking big steps like this and doing what's right for you but most importantly that it's working ❤️❤️❤️
Hello fellow neurodivergent and solo person! I am still working on mending my relationship with money. From earning it easefully in ways that don't burn me out all the way to the simple things like balancing the books. So I want to take a moment and applaud you for the work that you've done to get here! That I could dream of owning my own apartment or paying off debt. It feels impossible right now for me, with so little income to start. So my congratulations to you on your journey!
I actually started saving for a house when I was a kid (like, pocket money etc.!) because my dad was always trying to find ways to work less and the mortgage seemed to be his biggest yoke and I didn't want that. Thank god I did because the way the housing market has gone it's put me in a great position. I'm 35 and bought my first house last year (£175k) in cash! It's just a small 2 bed terraced cottage, I could have got a bigger house with a mortgage but I didn't want to be tied down (or pay the massive amounts of interest you end up paying for a mortgage). I saved money until now by working remotely (I have 2 degrees and work related to them) and house sitting so I haven't really paid rent except at uni, where I always chose money saving options. Being on the right side of compound interest (ie, saving rather than being in debt) is massive. I'm at the point now where I could probably stop working at the end of this year via savings investment income (bearing in mind I can live off like £10k a year), but I like my job and also want to be able to switch up my lifestyle to a more expensive one if I so choose or cost of living necessitates. I've found that there are down sides to being too money conscious, but just a little more spending really makes life totally fine. I actually prefer spending less because it gives me fewer decisions to make. The only down side is that I feel slightly peer-less, as most people my age are not in even remotely similar positions, either being financially not free or free but having got there by being given parental money. And I don't really tell people about my situation because a) no one talks about money and b) I feel kind of imposter-syndromey/like people would hate me if they knew! I record my spending/income and during periods when people wonder how I afford my lifestyle I was spending £7-9k/year, which they were spending on rent alone. I think the lifestyle that is considered 'normal' is actually very expensive. I value freedom, and that's always been the thing I choose to buy.
this is incredible!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I understand the feeling of being cautious to share but I'm so pleased you did it here and honestly....I just want to read / know more about how you did it and your general lifestyle / what you've learned. Like...there's a whole brand / book in this!
Thanks Jess, I really appreciate your reply and for all the sharing you've done that makes this feel like such a safe place. Honestly it probably would make a brand if point number one in the brand manifesto wasn't 'keep it secret, keep it safe' ha! I think the way you are able to share is a super power.
This is great. I would love to hear more about how to adopt a better money mindset and how you do it. I struggle with “wanting” too much and with making lots of little purchases.
Wow, Jessica! I loved reading this & hearing about your debt repayment story. I am currently trying to pay off our house, our one debt, & sometimes it seems impossible, but your encouragement to do little & often helps. THANKS for sharing!! <3
you're welcome. I think I'll buy a place again one day but for now this is where I want to stay until I feel ready. How is it going for you? I noticed you used the term 'our'....is your partner on the same page? I'm curious...
My husband is not as committed to it as I am. He has not realized the importance or significance of it. Yet. ; ) But he is not opposed so I am doing what little I can. I'm kind of like you in that I made a page in a dot journal where I can mark off a square for every $100. So satisfying!! =) For all of you younger people, commit to this while you are still young; you will not regret it!
Thanks for this Jess. I loooove talking about money, not because I'm "naturally" good at it but because I think the whole system is set up to make us feel disempowered and like maybe we aren't smart enough to handle it ourselves? Feels like a sort of gatekeeping.
My husband and young daughter and I recently moved from Canada (where we owned a house- well, where the bank owns it lol) to Auckland New Zealand where we don't have a chance in hell of owning because house prices are wild. Instead we are renting a gorgeous little house near the beach and near my new (dream!) job and it's awesome. Fully changed my perspective on that cultural push to own a house.
So appreciate this post, and appreciate your acknowledgement of privilege (I have loads of it too in this conversation), which I think is often overlooked, particularly in that "bootstrap" mentality. AND, you have had a long way to come and have something really valuable to share. Thank you!
I just got an email to say I’m nearly done with paying off my student loan! Only 15 years after graduating, sigh. I’m now desperate to just get it all done so might overpay on it in the next 6 months. I’m a bit crap with savings and have been trying really hard to stick to a budget - but it’s like I am really good at making the budget but then still end up at end of the month with no money!! Not sure where I am going wrong. How do you manage spend on things like books, social stuff, and exercise etc? That’s what seems to get me.
That’s great news!!!! I talk about finances and budgeting in a simplified life (my ebook) but basically I use the 50/30/20 method or zero based. The biggest tip I can give you is to TRACK SPENDING. What gets tracked gets our attention and where there’s attention there’s awareness. This is the best start. Also, allow yourself pleasure because being too restrictive only results in binging. It’s a process though and I struggle too with budgets depending on what’s going on in my life at the time. Keeping my outgoings to a minimum (debt included) is my base rule though xx
This was so helpful and interesting - thank you! I've realised that I really do want to work less and have more control over how I choose to live my life and spend my days. I'm focusing on overpaying my mortgage and saving as much as possible over the next few years, while also training to be a Psychotherapist. I can't wait to have the autonomy to choose the hours I work etc. At the moment my corporate job is slowly sucking the life out of me. I don't want to still be living like this in 10-15 years still. X
Thank You for sharing your story and advice. Managing debt has been a big challenge for me but hearing of others road to being debt free really helps to motivate my journey too.
My husband and I were $100k in student loan debt when we got married. A combination of working hard/living very simply, student loan forgiveness as a school employee, and the graciousness of my partner’s mom helped us pay that off within 5 years. We refused to take on any more debt outside of a car loan, which we were able to easily pay off in full last year when I decided to quit my job and take a break. There is no comparison to the freedom we feel with no debt and a decent amount of savings and investments. Taking on a mortgage sounds way too intimidating, so we’re just happily renting... and I think everyone thinks we’re crazy! However, one of the single best things we did early in our marriage was take an unexpected windfall (tax refund) and immediately get a month ahead on our bills. With a good budget in place, we never have that paycheck to paycheck feeling and it is glorious.
I’m so happy you’ve shared this Jessica! Thank you! In 2020 we finished paying off £27k worth of debt. It took 31 months as a low income family of (then) 5. We even had our story printed in the national press, which still makes me laugh as it shows you how unusual it is to choose an alternative lifestyle! The biggest realisation for me whilst paying it off was finding simple living and living with less stuff. Once I had realised what truly made me happy, it was so much easier to say no to things that didn’t. I love how these different lifestyles are so intrinsic. I’ve recently been able to take a career break from my 9-5 and stay home with my babies. It’s definitely not as romantic as moving to Paris! Haha. But it’s where my heart is and having no debt was the number one factor that allowed me to do this. Forever grateful to people who share their stories around money and help break the taboo! Much love, Katie from Liverpool, England xx
Woohoooo!!!!! What a feeling that must have been. All our lives look different and I really believe that's the way it should be when we follow our own paths. We're not meant to want the same things, how can we when we're all so different? What's romantic to one person is hell on earth for another and that's ok, then there's everything in between. I'm just so happy to hear you're living the life you want to and it sounds full of so much love ❤️
Sorry, forgot to mention in my previous comment, that I accomplished everything after my divorce, so I was even more driven to succeed in my financial goals.
I too follow your steps. I have been debt free for many many years. I worked in legal profession and worked overtime, so with the overtime was making two salaries basically, saving overtime in a separate bank account and then started to buy real estate adding to my portfolio. I sold my real estate at the right time each time and kept buying something more expensive. Stopped wearing designer clothes and using designer handbags. Friends kept going out for expensive dinners all the time and all are in heavy debt still. I eventually sold all my real estate and stopped working and rent now and live a nice comfortable life with travel, well my friends are at home in debt and those people kept taunting me because I was forever saving to buy real estate. I also to this day do not purchase any clothing or furniture unless it is on sale. Have not gotten back into the designer buying either. If I wanted I could purchase another home and may, but I would pay cash. Yes, I lost a few friends, because of my saving, but I am a millionaire now and they are living pay cheque to pay cheque and in debt. I also had a hobby for years too where on the weekend would attend flea markets and antique sales and buy inexpensive furniture, all in good shape and a few months later sell it for double from my residence and another funny way of saving for me was, Never spent my change, put whatever coins or change I had in my handbag from the day, each night into a jar and each month too it to the bank and it really would add up to lot. I also don’t fill my place with a ton of objects just to spend and collect things I don’t need to clutter. I keep my clothing in good repair and it lasts a long time, so I am not out shopping either. People come to my place and love it, so I must be doing something right. I was and will now start travelling more also. It was well worth some of the sacrifices and losing of friends because of my goals, not being cheap, but not going into debt and now the freedom that I have attained. And it was easy to do.
Nodding and clapping along all the way through your comment. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story for everyone. This is AMAZING 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻...because it's what's right for you and you're living the life you want from the inside out ❤️
Debt repayments little and often--I love this concept! I have been considering making payments on my credit card more than once per month, and now I am definitely going to do that. Paying interest on the balance kills me! Thank you so much for this advice, which actually makes paying off debt feel like something fun!!
omg the fact that idea has been coming through from within you though....magic! Definitely follow it and see how it changes things if at all. The way I see the monthly repayment thing is that it's designed by the banks / credit card companies - so I don't trust it to be in our favour
It's really good to hear a real like example of choosing to invest the money rather than buy a house. Other options for what works best for you at the time need to be more visible in the social conversation.
Thanks for writing this, I think it's something people don't often talk about. Me and my husband made similar choices five years ago when we simplified down to the essentials. This led to us selling our house & buying a small apartment in an area we loved. This was so freeing! It has opened up so many more possibilities for us.
awwwwwwwwhhhhhh! I love this for you guys Kate! Thanks for sharing. Are you still there? What happened next? I'm also curious was there anything you thought you wanted that suddenly dissipated with the lifestyle shift?
Thanks! :) We are still here, I dropped my working hours so I get more time to write, and my husband went into teaching, which he loves. There wasn't so much anything we thought we wanted but we definitely felt we had to "conform" to society's expectations. Get married, have a family, live in a house, buy a bigger house...and so on. When we realised we could step off the treadmill and live differently to the people around us, people thought we were mad! But we are so much happier than when we had a huge mortgage. I so wish we had made these decisions when we first started out!
❤️❤️❤️❤️ go you guys! Haha people totally think you're mad don't they 😂 Did you find this confronting at first? It used to really bother me but now I just find it funny. I'm so happy to hear you did what felt right for you and it led you to a positive place
Haha, definitely! You'd have thought we were running off and joining a cult 😄 It did bother me a bit at first, but now I'm such an advocate for small living, I think they've given up on me!!
that's how engrained ways of living are in us. Scary isn't it? good for you! I know it can hold a lot of people back
Thank you for sharing, Jess.This is actually a subject that has been on my mind more this summer. I paid off my student loan (about £16k) earlier this month, six years early. It felt like an immense milestone! There are a lot of dreams that feel closer, more tangible, now that loan is gone.
I have had a very anxious relationship with money, feeling almost sick just having to check my balance. When I moved to Copenhagen 8,5 years ago, I had no savings at all, quite a big student loan and paid off any extra expenses with a credit card, which resulted in a small, but rather expensive, debt too. And I felt anxious every time I even thought about money. Slowly but surely I have paid off the debt, put away a rather large sum in savings, bought an apartment (which is the only debt i currently have - but I know I can sell it without any loss) and - most importantly - have grown a healthy relationship with money.
I only work part time and I don't have a partner to help support me if times get tough, so I have to rely on myself. I like the challenge. I think I prefer it, actually. Currently I am saving so I can buy a small house for myself in the future. Start a slower, more quiet life with a creative business to help pay the bills.
Now my student loans are paid off, I can focus on saving for my dream, and living an intentional life with very few expenses has helped! I like the clarity it has brought into my life. And yes, I do recognise that I am quite privileged in many ways, but as an autistic ADHD person, life in an neurotypical world comes with a lot of uncertainty and difficulty, and living without debt helps me feel more secure about my future and my dreams.
you're welcome love! That's incredible...I hope you celebrated. Money is so emotional, of course it is. I think the neurodiverse aspect is fascinating, as you know my mum has adhd. So good to hear you're taking big steps like this and doing what's right for you but most importantly that it's working ❤️❤️❤️
Hello fellow neurodivergent and solo person! I am still working on mending my relationship with money. From earning it easefully in ways that don't burn me out all the way to the simple things like balancing the books. So I want to take a moment and applaud you for the work that you've done to get here! That I could dream of owning my own apartment or paying off debt. It feels impossible right now for me, with so little income to start. So my congratulations to you on your journey!
I actually started saving for a house when I was a kid (like, pocket money etc.!) because my dad was always trying to find ways to work less and the mortgage seemed to be his biggest yoke and I didn't want that. Thank god I did because the way the housing market has gone it's put me in a great position. I'm 35 and bought my first house last year (£175k) in cash! It's just a small 2 bed terraced cottage, I could have got a bigger house with a mortgage but I didn't want to be tied down (or pay the massive amounts of interest you end up paying for a mortgage). I saved money until now by working remotely (I have 2 degrees and work related to them) and house sitting so I haven't really paid rent except at uni, where I always chose money saving options. Being on the right side of compound interest (ie, saving rather than being in debt) is massive. I'm at the point now where I could probably stop working at the end of this year via savings investment income (bearing in mind I can live off like £10k a year), but I like my job and also want to be able to switch up my lifestyle to a more expensive one if I so choose or cost of living necessitates. I've found that there are down sides to being too money conscious, but just a little more spending really makes life totally fine. I actually prefer spending less because it gives me fewer decisions to make. The only down side is that I feel slightly peer-less, as most people my age are not in even remotely similar positions, either being financially not free or free but having got there by being given parental money. And I don't really tell people about my situation because a) no one talks about money and b) I feel kind of imposter-syndromey/like people would hate me if they knew! I record my spending/income and during periods when people wonder how I afford my lifestyle I was spending £7-9k/year, which they were spending on rent alone. I think the lifestyle that is considered 'normal' is actually very expensive. I value freedom, and that's always been the thing I choose to buy.
this is incredible!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing your story. I understand the feeling of being cautious to share but I'm so pleased you did it here and honestly....I just want to read / know more about how you did it and your general lifestyle / what you've learned. Like...there's a whole brand / book in this!
Thanks Jess, I really appreciate your reply and for all the sharing you've done that makes this feel like such a safe place. Honestly it probably would make a brand if point number one in the brand manifesto wasn't 'keep it secret, keep it safe' ha! I think the way you are able to share is a super power.
This is great. I would love to hear more about how to adopt a better money mindset and how you do it. I struggle with “wanting” too much and with making lots of little purchases.
Wow, Jessica! I loved reading this & hearing about your debt repayment story. I am currently trying to pay off our house, our one debt, & sometimes it seems impossible, but your encouragement to do little & often helps. THANKS for sharing!! <3
you're welcome. I think I'll buy a place again one day but for now this is where I want to stay until I feel ready. How is it going for you? I noticed you used the term 'our'....is your partner on the same page? I'm curious...
My husband is not as committed to it as I am. He has not realized the importance or significance of it. Yet. ; ) But he is not opposed so I am doing what little I can. I'm kind of like you in that I made a page in a dot journal where I can mark off a square for every $100. So satisfying!! =) For all of you younger people, commit to this while you are still young; you will not regret it!
Thanks for this Jess. I loooove talking about money, not because I'm "naturally" good at it but because I think the whole system is set up to make us feel disempowered and like maybe we aren't smart enough to handle it ourselves? Feels like a sort of gatekeeping.
My husband and young daughter and I recently moved from Canada (where we owned a house- well, where the bank owns it lol) to Auckland New Zealand where we don't have a chance in hell of owning because house prices are wild. Instead we are renting a gorgeous little house near the beach and near my new (dream!) job and it's awesome. Fully changed my perspective on that cultural push to own a house.
So appreciate this post, and appreciate your acknowledgement of privilege (I have loads of it too in this conversation), which I think is often overlooked, particularly in that "bootstrap" mentality. AND, you have had a long way to come and have something really valuable to share. Thank you!
I just got an email to say I’m nearly done with paying off my student loan! Only 15 years after graduating, sigh. I’m now desperate to just get it all done so might overpay on it in the next 6 months. I’m a bit crap with savings and have been trying really hard to stick to a budget - but it’s like I am really good at making the budget but then still end up at end of the month with no money!! Not sure where I am going wrong. How do you manage spend on things like books, social stuff, and exercise etc? That’s what seems to get me.
That’s great news!!!! I talk about finances and budgeting in a simplified life (my ebook) but basically I use the 50/30/20 method or zero based. The biggest tip I can give you is to TRACK SPENDING. What gets tracked gets our attention and where there’s attention there’s awareness. This is the best start. Also, allow yourself pleasure because being too restrictive only results in binging. It’s a process though and I struggle too with budgets depending on what’s going on in my life at the time. Keeping my outgoings to a minimum (debt included) is my base rule though xx
This was so helpful and interesting - thank you! I've realised that I really do want to work less and have more control over how I choose to live my life and spend my days. I'm focusing on overpaying my mortgage and saving as much as possible over the next few years, while also training to be a Psychotherapist. I can't wait to have the autonomy to choose the hours I work etc. At the moment my corporate job is slowly sucking the life out of me. I don't want to still be living like this in 10-15 years still. X
I hear you! That’s exactly how I described my he job. You’ll 100% get there. It’s amazing you have an actual vision. That must be really motivating?
Thank You for sharing your story and advice. Managing debt has been a big challenge for me but hearing of others road to being debt free really helps to motivate my journey too.
you're welcome. I found the same comfort too ❤️ thank you for letting me know
My husband and I were $100k in student loan debt when we got married. A combination of working hard/living very simply, student loan forgiveness as a school employee, and the graciousness of my partner’s mom helped us pay that off within 5 years. We refused to take on any more debt outside of a car loan, which we were able to easily pay off in full last year when I decided to quit my job and take a break. There is no comparison to the freedom we feel with no debt and a decent amount of savings and investments. Taking on a mortgage sounds way too intimidating, so we’re just happily renting... and I think everyone thinks we’re crazy! However, one of the single best things we did early in our marriage was take an unexpected windfall (tax refund) and immediately get a month ahead on our bills. With a good budget in place, we never have that paycheck to paycheck feeling and it is glorious.
I’m so happy you’ve shared this Jessica! Thank you! In 2020 we finished paying off £27k worth of debt. It took 31 months as a low income family of (then) 5. We even had our story printed in the national press, which still makes me laugh as it shows you how unusual it is to choose an alternative lifestyle! The biggest realisation for me whilst paying it off was finding simple living and living with less stuff. Once I had realised what truly made me happy, it was so much easier to say no to things that didn’t. I love how these different lifestyles are so intrinsic. I’ve recently been able to take a career break from my 9-5 and stay home with my babies. It’s definitely not as romantic as moving to Paris! Haha. But it’s where my heart is and having no debt was the number one factor that allowed me to do this. Forever grateful to people who share their stories around money and help break the taboo! Much love, Katie from Liverpool, England xx
Woohoooo!!!!! What a feeling that must have been. All our lives look different and I really believe that's the way it should be when we follow our own paths. We're not meant to want the same things, how can we when we're all so different? What's romantic to one person is hell on earth for another and that's ok, then there's everything in between. I'm just so happy to hear you're living the life you want to and it sounds full of so much love ❤️
I absolutely agree and so important to be open to change with our wants and desires 🙏🏽🥰
Sorry, forgot to mention in my previous comment, that I accomplished everything after my divorce, so I was even more driven to succeed in my financial goals.
I too follow your steps. I have been debt free for many many years. I worked in legal profession and worked overtime, so with the overtime was making two salaries basically, saving overtime in a separate bank account and then started to buy real estate adding to my portfolio. I sold my real estate at the right time each time and kept buying something more expensive. Stopped wearing designer clothes and using designer handbags. Friends kept going out for expensive dinners all the time and all are in heavy debt still. I eventually sold all my real estate and stopped working and rent now and live a nice comfortable life with travel, well my friends are at home in debt and those people kept taunting me because I was forever saving to buy real estate. I also to this day do not purchase any clothing or furniture unless it is on sale. Have not gotten back into the designer buying either. If I wanted I could purchase another home and may, but I would pay cash. Yes, I lost a few friends, because of my saving, but I am a millionaire now and they are living pay cheque to pay cheque and in debt. I also had a hobby for years too where on the weekend would attend flea markets and antique sales and buy inexpensive furniture, all in good shape and a few months later sell it for double from my residence and another funny way of saving for me was, Never spent my change, put whatever coins or change I had in my handbag from the day, each night into a jar and each month too it to the bank and it really would add up to lot. I also don’t fill my place with a ton of objects just to spend and collect things I don’t need to clutter. I keep my clothing in good repair and it lasts a long time, so I am not out shopping either. People come to my place and love it, so I must be doing something right. I was and will now start travelling more also. It was well worth some of the sacrifices and losing of friends because of my goals, not being cheap, but not going into debt and now the freedom that I have attained. And it was easy to do.
Nodding and clapping along all the way through your comment. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your story for everyone. This is AMAZING 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻...because it's what's right for you and you're living the life you want from the inside out ❤️
Recently got out of debt after 3 years of hell living in it !
Downsized our house and cut back on everything we thought we wanted ! And it’s the happiest I’ve been in soooo long !
Nothing is worth the stress of living in debt 😅
Thanks for talking about this because people don’t understand
Totally get it. Must feel so good for you guys!
Debt repayments little and often--I love this concept! I have been considering making payments on my credit card more than once per month, and now I am definitely going to do that. Paying interest on the balance kills me! Thank you so much for this advice, which actually makes paying off debt feel like something fun!!
omg the fact that idea has been coming through from within you though....magic! Definitely follow it and see how it changes things if at all. The way I see the monthly repayment thing is that it's designed by the banks / credit card companies - so I don't trust it to be in our favour
Such a good point, Jessica! The system is set up for the success of the banks, not for us.
Oh always! Without a shadow of a doubt
It's really good to hear a real like example of choosing to invest the money rather than buy a house. Other options for what works best for you at the time need to be more visible in the social conversation.