Hello you!
It’s not our fault. Shopping is designed to be addictive. There are entire corporate think weekends dedicated to how brands can get us to spend more of our money on autopilot, and psychologically we’re wired to accumulate, so the more we buy the more we want to buy.
I’m not saying buying things is bad. It isn’t. We need things and it’s ok to want things. I love buying things, when they add value and I know the reason I’m buying them. Mindless impulsive spending however, particularly when it comes to clothes, is an addiction I used to suffer from.
For those of us who loves beautiful things it’s easy to succumb to magpie syndrome. Each new shiny object promises the sweet release of endorphins every time we buy, yet somehow this mini high only lasts a short while. Once it wears off we’re onto the next thing, looking for our next fix. The cycle never ends and our appetite becomes impossible to satisfy. Meanwhile in the background our emotional and financial wellbeing is suffering. We might even be aware of this to the point where each purchase induces shame and anxiety over affordability or our lack of will power.
I think wardrobe spending can be particularly tricky because it involves our body. We all want to look and feel good in our clothes. This is a universal truth. I once read our clothes are the skin we live our lives in and I’ve never forgotten it. I still use this quote to reassure and inspire friends when they’re feeling confused, hesitant or down on themselves about their wardrobes.
It’s easy to fall into a state of confusion over what to buy for our bodies, whether it’s the right choice, if the item is worth the money or not and how long we will wear it. Are we looking at a passionate fling or a long term lover? Both are equally seductive.
Wanting and having are two different things. To actually feel good in our clothes can be a life long journey for some of us who didn’t receive any style education or self-esteem classes in the university of childhood. Dressing our bodies is an emotional affair. This is normal. This is perfectly understandable.
Shopping for our wardrobes means we’re vulnerable during this time. We have to exercise caution to maximise our buying power, otherwise we fall into the hands of the think weekends and end up lost, longing for more, with our thirst barely quenched whilst simultaneously out of pocket. Everything I learnt on my own journey towards mindful wardrobe spending is what inspired me to write a simplified wardrobe, which is still my best selling ebook of the simple living trilogy. When we become conscious about the styling process, our emotional relationship to spending and grow in awareness we can make big changes. Life changing changes.
It isn’t a matter of curating the perfect budget, we have to dig deeper.
The secret to conquering mindless spending when it comes to our wardrobes is self-awareness. In the words of the ancient Greeks - know thyself. The more we understand our own bodies, our personal taste, the easier it becomes to say no to the new and shiny. Our magpie syndrome disintegrates. We have a clear blueprint to follow and we’re choosing from the inside out instead of being dictated to.
Developing a relationship with our intuition and personal style strengthens our ability to exercise boundaries, decision making and eliminates 99% of choice. The difference between style and fashion is our style comes from within. It flows out of us like a river and is made up of all our experiences thus far. The problem most of us have is getting in touch with it, but unlike fashion which comes and goes, our personal style is always there, just waiting to play with us.
When we’re in touch with our personal style the viable options for our wardrobes become more obvious, less stressful to sift through and shopping becomes not only more cost-effective but joyful. If something fits our personal style, we know we’ll wear it on the regular then it’s an easy yes. When we’re lost we’re liable to make more mistakes, look to others for guidance or simply follow trends. The more solid we are on the inside the easier it becomes to implement boundaries and make intentional decisions.
Do you know your three style keywords? Who is this character you’re dressing as, the version of yourself you want to be? What does she wear? What does she say yes to? What does she say no to?
Everything starts with you. Remember that. We are choosing the life we live every single day with each decision we make.
Lots of love
Jessica xxx
I definitely relate to all of this and I admire you for getting to this understanding at a much younger age as I admire my daughter who understands this at just 23.
I used to think it was a curse being 5’11” but now I embrace it and the limitation it puts on my choices too. So my height and learning my personal style means I now finally know what I need and want to buy and I cost items based on cost per wear. It means that a recent purchase of a jumper and boots are more cost effective even though they’re expensive as good quality, as I need them and I’ll wear them lots rather than a cheaper item that I don’t need that I bought in the sales.
So I move to buying 1 or 2 good quality items that I need per year.
Such a great post. Life changes has me reevaluating my wardrobe. My three words are changing some but I'm excited to figure them out. Still loving the concept of one simple item mixed with one boho touch, like a solid maxi dress with more ethnic earrings or a floral dress with minimalist jewelry. Love dressing for my body shape as well. Thanks so much Jess!