'Sometimes, very often we’re only served opportunities once in our lives and when they’re gone they’re gone. The version we would have been disappears too.' So well put, I've so often felt this - both in my life and in my friends' too. In the early 2010s I received funding for an arts PhD, but I didn't have the self-belief to push myself all the way towards an academic career. At the same time, I wanted to explore other options like freelance writing and living abroad. My decision to leave academia after finishing the PhD was born out of fear and curiosity all at once -a real mix of good and bad! But I've learned to watch out for fear-based self-sabotage disguise as the desire to take a trip!
Thank you Jessica....I am 64 and found this thought provoking and inspiring. I can definitely resonate with the Teenager who didnt feel able..worthy to pursue interests..or know what they were. Life has shown me the opportunies i can follow...Looking to dive in and build my confidence muscle..definitely the Year of the Fire Horse!!.😉😊
Edging closer to 50 here and believing there's still many sliding door moments that will come. I think there's a beauty in those moments and planting our feet solidly in new places to explore the possibilities.
I'm in my mid fifties and definitely in a place where I am grieving my lost selves, the versions of me who travelled the paths I didn't take. I'm learning to make peace with some of the decisions I made - or didn't - and it helps with creating a really intentional way forward. Love the idea of sitting with your teenage self and now doing English Lit A Level! Amazing! I was lucky - I did follow my passions and studied English Literature, French and Art with Art History. Now that I wouldn't change, although I would have loved to have studied philosophy too, but I guess that's why I write about yoga now...! Thanks for a wonderful post.
This is so lovely, I think it takes so much vulnerability and courage to figure out and act on what we want. I had a "what if" moment of deciding to remain in Canada where I grew up and go abroad, and abroad I went. Sometimes I feel sad because my friends seem to be living different lives I'm not a part of, but I also know I have no regrets about what I chose. I would love to hear about the AI prompt you used and how that helped. Thanks!
Oh wow, I love the way you articulate things. As a 38 year old I have similar thoughts to this. I moved to Australia to go backpacking when I was 18 - deferring a place at university where I was going to study art further. The year of backpacking turned into 14 years and becoming a single mum to two kids before moving back to the UK 7 years ago. I often wonder what my life would have looked like if I’d gone to university.
One thing I know was that when I was 18 absolutely nothing could have stopped me from running headfirst into doing what I wanted, I had hardly any thoughts of the future and just wanted to travel. I sometimes think I was reckless and wish I’d been more sensible but I know I had to learn lessons of self worth and security and so many other things. I also feel a kind of ache for things that I know the moment has passed for, or even if I do it, know won’t be the same kind of experience. It’s a sad kind of feeling and I don’t think I’ve heard many people talk about this, so thank you for writing this post and giving me another way to think about these things myself X
At 61 and looking to retire, I am considering what I still want to do. It is harder to tap into than I thought after decades of "doing the right thing" and living within the boundaries that pop up. I am interested in what AI prompt you used and how it moved you forward. Sometime just a little reflection from AI goes a long way in helping!
I saw the news (by accident) today and there was a story about AI being used to create images of women in bikinis. I thought, there are those of us using it for than and those of us using it to structure a syllabus for our teenage self. So many uses, all dependant on us and our intentions. I don’t have the exact prompt I used anymore but I use Claude and it would have been something along the lines of … I really regret not taking a level English literature, French and Art. I’d love to fill the gaps this has left in my adult life through a sustainable tailored syllabus that accommodates my day to day but also stretches me and my knowledge. I’d like it to look beautiful, simple and contain all I need for my studies. Ask me any questions you need to so the syllabus is personalised, optimised, complete and I can make a start straight away…. I also enjoy using AI as a French tutor where we do 20 minute focused sessions so it could be worth considering incorporating some tutoring into your syllabus too, though I think real tutors are much better if possible x
Now that I’m in my 40s… I think of this often… the paths I’ve chosen, the ones I didn’t… how I can live in acceptance and gratitude without feeling shame or regret. It’s a tricky thing. Indulging your inner teenage self sounds fun! And you’re right, I’m also without children, and we do have the opportunity to indulge our inner child and play more now, so we should!
a very fine delicate balance indeed. And I think it’s very individual. Some of us are happy or feel the need to let go, but others need to take some action. There’s no right or wrong. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. People would think I’m nuts if they heard me talking to my teenage self i’m sure haha - but she’s happy now and I feel more at peace. Being in Paris again recently after all the parts work I’ve been doing was very interesting. Another letter. Another time. I’m curious to see where you feel the need to sit in terms of action and acceptance or maybe a blend of both. My heart is full we can have these conversations here and share what resonates for so many of us x
I really enjoyed this Jessica, thank you for sharing. I think of this idea a lot- sliding doors. Sort of reminds me of Matt Haig's Midnight Library and all the lives we might or could be living in another time or place.
I wish I'd studied English. I wanted to study journalism but wasn't allowed by my parents as that university city was out of budget and they felt there was no jobs in journalism! So I studied a degree in didn't want, in a city I didn't love and never used that degree after.
That was all 27 years ago! I strongly considered returning to uni to do a masters in creative writing last year at 44, but for now chose a different path one that fits with my business of teaching yoga. Im studying acupuncture and I love it! One day ill do that masters, and I know ill love it. But it'll be for me, not for a career choice, just for my love of it.
Ive lived in many places over my time, I've been settled now for 9 years but hope in the near-ish future to winter in warmer places and return to Ireland in the late spring. Im still trying to figure out how to make that a reality.
It's wonderful to read your stories about a road less travelled, very inspiring. Best of luck with your study, how wonderful!!!
Yes, the Midnight Library. What a powerful book. All the decisions we make affect the rest of our lives in some way - be it small or ginormous! I've had 7 careers, lived in 3 countries, been a single mother, and am now 82, living in Mexico (where I've been for 30 years) and writing on Substack. A life full of excitement, adventure, choices, ups and downs, and I wouldn't change any of it. Blue💙
I didn't read it but I'd like to now. Thank you for sharing. The 'no jobs in' just stabbed me in the heart. I had the exact same experience and yet here I am writing anyway. I studied a degree I didn't want either, so you're not alone. That's incredible you've found your path and you're doing what you love. I smiled when I read these lines. You'll make it a reality, I'm sure of it. It's a beautiful dream and it's yours because you can see it. We're all cheering for you - and thank you for your support. I felt really silly for a few weeks but then the excitement set in xx
How interesting Jessica. To now do what your younger self might have wanted. I did go to London then New York and back to London. Now I moved back to Sweden were I was brought up. Many sliding door moments and what ifs. At 19 i just wanted to escape Stockholm and family. Fab with the English course🙏🦋
thank you for sharing with us Jess! It's a subject that truly fascinates me. How did moving back feel for you? Curiosity is calling. I actually wrote this last week so English started today and I thoroughly enjoyed spending an hour unpacking my first Keats poem <3
Very difficult to move back, my mum is Elderly and I’m an only child. I know it’s the right decision but I never felt at home in Sweden and I felt so at home in London.☺️ But after my relationship ended there it was too expensive. Life has different chapters, even if you know that you are were you are ment to be right now, the longing for the other life is still strong.
isn't it funny where we 'feel' at home. This is another subject that fascinates me. Truly though, I couldn't believe the prices when I explored it as a living option on a recent trip - the one where this cafe scene took place. The equivalent of my apartment in Paris would be three times as much in London! We have to tread so carefully in the longing... because this is where we're distanced from what matters. The now. I can understand the difficulty in moving back all too well x
It is funny with how at home I feel in England compared to Sweden, I have often thought it’s past lives/ resonance. Mysterious for sure. Yes, really difficult to live on your own in London as it’s so expensive. When I first came it was affordable. The longing with going back I try to soften, and live here and now but man it can be tricky! The heart wants what it wants☺️💗
I love this idea of life having different chapters, Jess. And I admire you for making the right decision (for various different reasons) to move back to Sweden. I lived in London and then left just before I had children, but who knows - I think my sons will end up living there, so perhaps I will return one day too!
Thank you Monika🙏 yes it is the right decision and I feel now that it is hard to get everything from one country/ city. It seems different countries will appeal at different times. We are lucky to be able to try it out. London is still there for us☺️🦋
Beautiful story, Jessica, and one that resonates with me. I did get married young, had two children one year apart, and divorced when they were 6 and 18 months. Since then, it's been MY life, the way I want it. Not always easy, but always exciting. I talk about my born-again single life in my post tomorrow. I think you might see yourself in some of it. Blue💙
'Sometimes, very often we’re only served opportunities once in our lives and when they’re gone they’re gone. The version we would have been disappears too.' So well put, I've so often felt this - both in my life and in my friends' too. In the early 2010s I received funding for an arts PhD, but I didn't have the self-belief to push myself all the way towards an academic career. At the same time, I wanted to explore other options like freelance writing and living abroad. My decision to leave academia after finishing the PhD was born out of fear and curiosity all at once -a real mix of good and bad! But I've learned to watch out for fear-based self-sabotage disguise as the desire to take a trip!
Thank you Jessica....I am 64 and found this thought provoking and inspiring. I can definitely resonate with the Teenager who didnt feel able..worthy to pursue interests..or know what they were. Life has shown me the opportunies i can follow...Looking to dive in and build my confidence muscle..definitely the Year of the Fire Horse!!.😉😊
Thank you for your honesty and refreshing style. I’m staying for more!
Edging closer to 50 here and believing there's still many sliding door moments that will come. I think there's a beauty in those moments and planting our feet solidly in new places to explore the possibilities.
I'm in my mid fifties and definitely in a place where I am grieving my lost selves, the versions of me who travelled the paths I didn't take. I'm learning to make peace with some of the decisions I made - or didn't - and it helps with creating a really intentional way forward. Love the idea of sitting with your teenage self and now doing English Lit A Level! Amazing! I was lucky - I did follow my passions and studied English Literature, French and Art with Art History. Now that I wouldn't change, although I would have loved to have studied philosophy too, but I guess that's why I write about yoga now...! Thanks for a wonderful post.
This is so lovely, I think it takes so much vulnerability and courage to figure out and act on what we want. I had a "what if" moment of deciding to remain in Canada where I grew up and go abroad, and abroad I went. Sometimes I feel sad because my friends seem to be living different lives I'm not a part of, but I also know I have no regrets about what I chose. I would love to hear about the AI prompt you used and how that helped. Thanks!
This was exactly what I needed to read today, thank you. 🥰💖
Oh wow, I love the way you articulate things. As a 38 year old I have similar thoughts to this. I moved to Australia to go backpacking when I was 18 - deferring a place at university where I was going to study art further. The year of backpacking turned into 14 years and becoming a single mum to two kids before moving back to the UK 7 years ago. I often wonder what my life would have looked like if I’d gone to university.
One thing I know was that when I was 18 absolutely nothing could have stopped me from running headfirst into doing what I wanted, I had hardly any thoughts of the future and just wanted to travel. I sometimes think I was reckless and wish I’d been more sensible but I know I had to learn lessons of self worth and security and so many other things. I also feel a kind of ache for things that I know the moment has passed for, or even if I do it, know won’t be the same kind of experience. It’s a sad kind of feeling and I don’t think I’ve heard many people talk about this, so thank you for writing this post and giving me another way to think about these things myself X
At 61 and looking to retire, I am considering what I still want to do. It is harder to tap into than I thought after decades of "doing the right thing" and living within the boundaries that pop up. I am interested in what AI prompt you used and how it moved you forward. Sometime just a little reflection from AI goes a long way in helping!
I saw the news (by accident) today and there was a story about AI being used to create images of women in bikinis. I thought, there are those of us using it for than and those of us using it to structure a syllabus for our teenage self. So many uses, all dependant on us and our intentions. I don’t have the exact prompt I used anymore but I use Claude and it would have been something along the lines of … I really regret not taking a level English literature, French and Art. I’d love to fill the gaps this has left in my adult life through a sustainable tailored syllabus that accommodates my day to day but also stretches me and my knowledge. I’d like it to look beautiful, simple and contain all I need for my studies. Ask me any questions you need to so the syllabus is personalised, optimised, complete and I can make a start straight away…. I also enjoy using AI as a French tutor where we do 20 minute focused sessions so it could be worth considering incorporating some tutoring into your syllabus too, though I think real tutors are much better if possible x
Now that I’m in my 40s… I think of this often… the paths I’ve chosen, the ones I didn’t… how I can live in acceptance and gratitude without feeling shame or regret. It’s a tricky thing. Indulging your inner teenage self sounds fun! And you’re right, I’m also without children, and we do have the opportunity to indulge our inner child and play more now, so we should!
a very fine delicate balance indeed. And I think it’s very individual. Some of us are happy or feel the need to let go, but others need to take some action. There’s no right or wrong. Thank you so much for sharing your experience. People would think I’m nuts if they heard me talking to my teenage self i’m sure haha - but she’s happy now and I feel more at peace. Being in Paris again recently after all the parts work I’ve been doing was very interesting. Another letter. Another time. I’m curious to see where you feel the need to sit in terms of action and acceptance or maybe a blend of both. My heart is full we can have these conversations here and share what resonates for so many of us x
I really enjoyed this Jessica, thank you for sharing. I think of this idea a lot- sliding doors. Sort of reminds me of Matt Haig's Midnight Library and all the lives we might or could be living in another time or place.
I wish I'd studied English. I wanted to study journalism but wasn't allowed by my parents as that university city was out of budget and they felt there was no jobs in journalism! So I studied a degree in didn't want, in a city I didn't love and never used that degree after.
That was all 27 years ago! I strongly considered returning to uni to do a masters in creative writing last year at 44, but for now chose a different path one that fits with my business of teaching yoga. Im studying acupuncture and I love it! One day ill do that masters, and I know ill love it. But it'll be for me, not for a career choice, just for my love of it.
Ive lived in many places over my time, I've been settled now for 9 years but hope in the near-ish future to winter in warmer places and return to Ireland in the late spring. Im still trying to figure out how to make that a reality.
It's wonderful to read your stories about a road less travelled, very inspiring. Best of luck with your study, how wonderful!!!
The Midnight Library is hands down one of my favourite books I've ever read ✨️
Yes, the Midnight Library. What a powerful book. All the decisions we make affect the rest of our lives in some way - be it small or ginormous! I've had 7 careers, lived in 3 countries, been a single mother, and am now 82, living in Mexico (where I've been for 30 years) and writing on Substack. A life full of excitement, adventure, choices, ups and downs, and I wouldn't change any of it. Blue💙
I didn't read it but I'd like to now. Thank you for sharing. The 'no jobs in' just stabbed me in the heart. I had the exact same experience and yet here I am writing anyway. I studied a degree I didn't want either, so you're not alone. That's incredible you've found your path and you're doing what you love. I smiled when I read these lines. You'll make it a reality, I'm sure of it. It's a beautiful dream and it's yours because you can see it. We're all cheering for you - and thank you for your support. I felt really silly for a few weeks but then the excitement set in xx
How interesting Jessica. To now do what your younger self might have wanted. I did go to London then New York and back to London. Now I moved back to Sweden were I was brought up. Many sliding door moments and what ifs. At 19 i just wanted to escape Stockholm and family. Fab with the English course🙏🦋
thank you for sharing with us Jess! It's a subject that truly fascinates me. How did moving back feel for you? Curiosity is calling. I actually wrote this last week so English started today and I thoroughly enjoyed spending an hour unpacking my first Keats poem <3
Very difficult to move back, my mum is Elderly and I’m an only child. I know it’s the right decision but I never felt at home in Sweden and I felt so at home in London.☺️ But after my relationship ended there it was too expensive. Life has different chapters, even if you know that you are were you are ment to be right now, the longing for the other life is still strong.
isn't it funny where we 'feel' at home. This is another subject that fascinates me. Truly though, I couldn't believe the prices when I explored it as a living option on a recent trip - the one where this cafe scene took place. The equivalent of my apartment in Paris would be three times as much in London! We have to tread so carefully in the longing... because this is where we're distanced from what matters. The now. I can understand the difficulty in moving back all too well x
It is funny with how at home I feel in England compared to Sweden, I have often thought it’s past lives/ resonance. Mysterious for sure. Yes, really difficult to live on your own in London as it’s so expensive. When I first came it was affordable. The longing with going back I try to soften, and live here and now but man it can be tricky! The heart wants what it wants☺️💗
I love this idea of life having different chapters, Jess. And I admire you for making the right decision (for various different reasons) to move back to Sweden. I lived in London and then left just before I had children, but who knows - I think my sons will end up living there, so perhaps I will return one day too!
Thank you Monika🙏 yes it is the right decision and I feel now that it is hard to get everything from one country/ city. It seems different countries will appeal at different times. We are lucky to be able to try it out. London is still there for us☺️🦋
Beautiful story, Jessica, and one that resonates with me. I did get married young, had two children one year apart, and divorced when they were 6 and 18 months. Since then, it's been MY life, the way I want it. Not always easy, but always exciting. I talk about my born-again single life in my post tomorrow. I think you might see yourself in some of it. Blue💙