Hello you!
I’m back in the land of croissants, romance and most importantly benches. Oh how I love the benches of Paris. My favourite French word is flâneur. It means the stroller, the lounger, the saunterer. It encapsulates the quality I admire most about French culture; how acceptable it is to partake in the pleasure of doing nothing - and they do it oh so well. This is their way and I’m more than happy for them to sign my permission slip too. Like any human, doing nothing feeds me, creates space, clarity and re-energises me, yet my brain is hard wired to see it as a luxury and something I should feel guilty for partaking in. I blame 21st century ‘hustle’ culture. A world where there is so much to do and not enough time to do it in. A world where benches have little purpose.
Yesterday I visited Jardin des Plantes. A lesser known park in Paris that was recommended by a new friend I made last time I was here. It didn’t disappoint but then Paris rarely disappoints me. I walked in and saw the most beautiful sight. My heart lit up. It wasn’t the blossom trees slightly past their peek but still showing signs of spring splendour. It wasn’t the jaw dropping natural history museum drenched in light at the top of the park. It was the rows of benches peppered along the pathway in perfect formation just waiting to be sat on. There was nothing exclusive about them, no ticket required or queue to wait in. There was room for everyone to just sit and be. It was as if the benches were inviting you in. Come here and rest a while, I’ll take your bag and you can put your coffee on me. Look at the pretty view I found for you to look at while you enjoy the sunshine.
I chose a sunny spot where I could see the tulips dancing in the breeze and as soon as my bum hit the metal I felt a sigh of relief. I felt myself sink and I felt rest wash over me. The pain in my shoulders eased, my breathing slowed and my mind felt massaged. With each breath I sank deeper into my day, into myself, into my life. There was no need to rush, no need to do anything. You could tell this bench was put there purely to sit on and do nothing but enjoy the view. Maybe ponder a few thoughts or ideas, have a chat with someone you love or let out a few tears. I felt so grateful for it, for this permission slip I needed. This is what I need more of I thought.
I don’t feel the need to inhale Paris the way I did when I was here for a month. I feel as though I’ve seen her surface and now I’m ready to go deeper, to discover my own version of her and make my experience just that; my own. There’s ease in this approach. An authenticity I feel in alignment with and I’m welcoming in, surrendering to. It’s what I strived for last time but couldn’t quite get to grips with because I kept getting distracted by new shiny things; a must visit museum, a place I’d always wanted to photograph, another date. This is life right? Full of distractions and encouragements to push through the pain, keep going and cram in as much as possible with little thought for what we actually want or need. This is how we move through life asleep and fall out of alignment with who we are and what life truly has to offer us. What are the consequences at stake? For me it’s a diluted life vs a richer one and I know which I’m in search of, which will accumulate less regrets.
Sure there’s a time for fast paced living and sometimes it can’t be helped, but there comes a point, if we want to experience something deeply, whether that’s a city, a relationship or ourselves - we have to surrender. We have to put aside the excuses we come up with like we’re too busy, we don’t have time, there are more important things to focus on or we’re afraid. Because the reality is we aren’t too busy and we have more control over our time than we realise if we’re willing to let go on the unnecessary, the useless and the damaging ways we fill it whether that’s consciously or unconsciously. Did you really need to do that thing today? What would have happened if you hadn’t done it? It’s usually not the disaster we tell ourselves.
How unexpected that to go deeper doesn’t require more effort, it requires less. It requires letting go, coming back to the now and giving ourselves permission to do nothing, to create space, to surrender control. Feel free to take this letter as your permission slip to sit on a bench a while, lay in bed a bit longer or stare out of the window. If like me it goes against your natural way you can think of flâneur. It’s a word - so you can be it. Who knows what magic will unfold in all that space you create.
Lots of love
Jessica xxx
Oh, you have no idea how much I needed to read this today, Jessica! I have just this week taken a new job working much less hours and days in order to be able to find the space to work on my writing more. The week had been going well...until this morning, when I realised I didn't need to be anywhere...and the thoughts that I MUST be doing something 'useful' hit me. It's something I struggle with whenever I slow down. Thank you for the reminder that it's just as important to stop as it is being 'busy' : )
Bloody brilliant. Like Kate said earlier, this was exactly what I needed today. I've had this concept tumbling around in my mind that we are human 'beings' not human 'doings', and yet it's been a hard journey for me to get to a place where I don't feel a constant tug to always be getting "something done". This will be an ongoing shift for me, but I am definitely ready for it. Thanks for articulating it so well.