It's okay to go at your own pace
If we focus on self-love and compassion everything else will follow
Hello you!
Sorry there was no letter last week. That wasn’t my intention.
I wanted to write about meeting my dad for the first time when I was 32 but I bit off more than I could chew and completely unravelled. Hello procrastination to avoid the uncomfortable feelings! Hello my body going into survival mode aka freeze when I can’t do anything because it thinks this is how I keep safe. All that followed was frustration, resistance and self critique - non of which are useful to writers or any kind of creative therefore no letter was finished. A sketchy draft is sat on my desktop though, parked for now, which feels okay.
I really want to be brave and write about what I went through because abuse isn’t talked about enough and especially not when it happens in families. I want to share my experience because I want anyone else who’s going through it or has gone through it to feel less alone, but I’m just not quite where I want to be…yet. I’ll find the strength though. I know I will. I regularly remind myself if I can get through what I went through, I can do anything.
They say we write to taste life twice and it’s right that to write about a life event truthfully you have to put yourself back in that period of time to capture it authentically. I’m clearly not ready to savour this particular life experience again yet and that’s ok. So while I can’t share my story as I’d like to right now, I can share my perspective that it’s okay to go at your own pace and be gentle with yourself.
We see a lot of advice in the online wellness space about healing trauma, being vulnerable, overcoming struggles but I don’t think we should underestimate how much hard work it is when you’re in the trenches. There’s a reason most people never even make the attempt. It takes a lot of time and patience and sometimes the dust has to be left to settle. It’s normal to need a minute. It’s okay if we just want distance from the pain, and we crave soft pleasant experiences until we’re ready to look at our wounds. We’re not broken, we don’t need fixing, we’re just being.
If that’s where you are too I just wanted to say that’s ok. There was a time when soldiers came back from war and they were put straight into therapy but soon those treating them realised that with ptsd, it’s actually best left a while before beginning treatment. So wherever you are on your own path, rest assured it’s ok to be gentle with yourself and know lots of others are struggling too, myself included. You’re not alone and you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel ready for. Everything will unfold in time as it should. All that matters is you’re showering yourself in the love and compassion you deserve. The rest will follow.
This Thursday 7pm GMT is our live journalling session on discovering and uncovering our values so we can start building a life around them. These events are intimate safe spaces for paid subscribers of this community where we can connect on a deeper level. If that’s you the link to join the event will be at the bottom of this email. I will record the whole thing so you can watch back if you can’t make it. If you’re currently a free subscriber and you’d like to join us we’d love to have you and can upgrade your membership by clicking the link. If you’d like to remain a free subscriber and skip the event, that’s fine too.
Lots of love
Jessica xxx
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