Hello you!
I want to start this letter by saying this is very much my own story and perspective based on my reality. I am not speaking for all women. Our relationship with motherhood is a complex one and no matter how much we differ we’re all in it together and have so much more in common than we don’t. There is zero judgement from me in terms of what choices we make or why and I hope this is reflected in my writing but in case not I wanted to make it as clear as possible. There aren’t teams or sides to choose. Our bodies, experiences and desires are used to pit us against one another and it’s up to us to come together as a collective to combat this misogyny.
Back in 2018 I wrote a blog post about not wanting children. It was the most controversial thing I ever wrote about and also one of my most popular posts. I’ve been careful about covering this topic ever since for a couple of reasons. Number one is that I don’t want to be known as that girl who doesn’t want children on the internet and number two is this is very sensitive stuff, for all of us. It’s not easy to talk about, especially publicly.
For years I was dead set on not wanting children. You can read my 2018 blog post here for more details on why if you like, but a lot has changed since then as I always thought it could. These shifts have happened alongside many realisations I’ve had thanks to years of talking therapy, of diving back into my own childhood, the traumas that lay there and working on connecting with my emotions, which for a long time I was too afraid to feel.
My friend Jess went on a day trip with her mum and 6 month old baby recently. They were walking into a restaurant in Leeds with baby Poppy gurgling away in the pram when they had to ask a lady to move her chair so they could get through. They were met with an eye roll. I think some people forget what it’s like to be a child, Jess’s mum said. When Jess relayed the story to me I told her that used to be me.
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