Finding lion’s courage

If you want to create you’re going to have to be brave

Hello you!

My grandmother died this morning. I wasn’t there. My mum received a call at 6am to say her breathing was deteriorating, immediately jumped in the car but didn’t make it in time. She left me in bed and I awoke to the news. Numbness set in. The familiarity of morning sunlight felt confusing when life had just changed forever and I was lost in the impact. I rarely know what to do in moments like this.

Out of habit I reached for my phone. The first notification I saw was a comment on my latest YouTube video that read, ‘sorry, I have to mention that I had to turn off your tour because your voice sounded really annoying and unpleasant.’

There’s nobody to report things like this to when you’re a creative online. This isn’t the corporate world. It’s the wild west. I’m used to these instances now, the timing was just a bit rubbish on this particular day but it set my mind into a spiral of thinking about how brave we have to be if we want to create and how hard it is for us to find the courage required.

The online world can be a beautiful place to connect with like minded hearts the way we do here but it can also be heartless, cold and savage. It knows no filter in terms of timing. You’re wide open 24/7 for anyone to comment on whatever you make public. When you share your work online you become fair game, and when hunting season begins you’re open to any opinion people wish to share. It’s vulnerable to create in the first place but it’s a whole other ball game to share it. That requires lions courage.

The comment didn’t crush me like it once would. It barely scratched the surface of my self-esteem but it’s taken a long time for me to get to this point. As my work grew in popularity I’ve had to learn to deal with criticism as well as outright hate and make a decision as to whether I’m up to the job. When we start out with our creative dreams the fear of what others might think often keeps us in a state of freeze. We attach our self worth to our work and putting it out into the world becomes too greater risk. We’re too porous and the potential consequences of an attack feel existential.

There are entire forums dedicated to collectively bullying people who do what I do for a living. I used to read these troll forums about me and my work, always late at night and usually when I was already feeling down on myself. I’d sit and scroll through the backlit lies, cruel jokes and criticism in the dark and cry in a helpless heap of defeat. When I opened my laptop to write or picked up my camera to film the next day, theirs were the voices I’d hear.

I noticed my confidence dip and my content alter all to try and get their approval, but no matter what I did they were never happy. Critics will always find a way to critique. It’s been years since I read the thread now but the comments like the one I received this morning are still an occurrence even on the light side of the web and the more a piece of work is seen the more arrive.

When I was published in the Times recently, the editor told me not to read the comments ahead of the publication date. She said their travel writers get slashed every week without fail because they get to travel for their work so she could only imagine the reaction to a woman writing about the influencer world of perks, gifts and brand collaborations. I never did read them but I heard on grapevine the Times turned them off.

If you succumb to the fear of what others might say or think when they see your creations you’ll never create at all. This vulnerable part of us is the part that keeps so many of us small. It’s the part that almost stopped me creating for good - but I’ve broken through the barrier; I’m still here, still smiling and I wanted to share how.

Freedom of self-expression - To fully express ourselves is to be alive and we’re all entitled to this right. Know that you’re not exempt. I have a friend whose life mission is to feel she’s fully expressed herself. It’s a beautiful ambition and a worthy one. We all want to be seen. It can be hard to know what for but experimenting with this is a delicious part of our individual creative journeys. When we don’t feel like we’re expressing ourselves we feel hidden, repressed and our bodies are tight. We want to break free. Yes the fear often stops us but know that the desire to express never goes away and ignoring it will only take you further away from your authentic self. The shadows are not the safety zone you think, they are the dark side of the moon where you’ll never fully flourish because you’re starved of the basic human need to express your essence, emotions and creations. The water is warm I promise, jump on in.

It’s all projection - The words of feedback on your work are nothing more than a glimpse into the inner world of the person offering it. This is the same for both positive and negative reactions and also why it’s a good idea to try to detach from either outcome. Neither are permanent and neither are a reflection of you or your work. Everything the commenters are saying is so much more about them than it is about you. Psychological fact. Do not pick up that mirror. Do not catch that ball. You have a choice. Trolls in particular are deeply unhappy people and you should never give them the energy they’re looking to feed on. Everyone will tell you this, to brush it off, not let it bother you but I know it can be almost impossible to feel comforted by it when it’s as if your very essence is under attack. This is normal and it takes time to build a protective shield. We all have to do it, but knowing the reasons why people say such things can help separate yourself from the comments or the fear of them.

Unless they’re in the arena they don’t get a say - This is a favourite tip I picked up from Brene Brown. It’s so simple but makes perfect sense. She goes further to suggest writing down the names of the opinions of those who do actually matter to you, sticking them on your wall and unless the critique comes from one of these people you ignore it. Keeping a visual representation of the ones who matter to you is a useful way to redirect the spotlight and steer clear of any shame. The commenter on my voice of course didn’t have her own YouTube channel with voiceover videos. From what I could see she’s never published a video at all and under Brene’s advice that removes her right to give constructive feedback on mine. It’s a powerful process to fall back on anytime you need to. Fellow creators will not bring you down in the way these people will. You can write down anyone’s name by the way. Feel free to use mine if you like - your eternal cheerleader who’s bursting with pride every time you’re brave enough to try.

Not creating is worse than creating and being judged - Say you do give up. You let fear win and don’t make what it is you want to make. What then? How does that feel? Are you happier? My guess is not. This was the case for me anyway. My creativity is my life blood and I cannot live without it. There are down times for sure but when I don’t create for prolonged periods, call me dramatic but I feel like I’ll die. If you’re human you were born to create. It’s who we are. It’s what we do. Forget what everyone else thinks. It’s no reflection of you. It’s a reflection of them. This is where you can dig really deep to find the courage you need. Mary Oliver said, ‘what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?’ Think about what you’ll regret not doing at the end and take small but intentional steps towards doing it. You’ll never regret trying and failing. You’ll regret never trying at all, knowing full well deep inside you were always capable because you had the vision - and if we can see it, we can be it.

Be brave friends. Join the pride of those of us who are doing it anyway. You’re not alone and the creative community are cheering you on, myself included.

Lots of love

Jessica xxx

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