Hello you!
Do you know burnout? That feeling of overwhelm when you know what you have to do, what you want to do but you don’t have the energy to do it, as if you’re trying to drive a car with no fuel in the tank. You’re tired all the time, your body aches and you feel like a shadow of your former self. You’re frustrated with how difficult everything feels and you take this out on those closest to you. Day by day you grow more resentful, bitter and you wind yourself tighter and tighter into the constraints of twenty first century life feeling as if there’s no way out. You fall out of balance and you suffer.
When we’re in a state of burnout we lose sight of reality, of what’s realistic to achieve in a day, for a sustained period of time. We forget we have limited capacity, are designed to live seasonally like everything else alive on this planet and for some of us we also have menstrual cycles that affect our energy and motivation. In short we are not robots.
Burnout doesn’t always have to be work related yet this is what context we hear about it the most in. So often we underestimate the emotional labour involved in stressful life events outside of work and how, given the way we’re built, it’s impossible to leave these at the door when we set up our office for the day. Our mental health is as important as our physical health and affects our wellbeing equally. Having a baby, losing a loved one or a break up can have a huge impact on our energy levels and what we’re capable of output wise.
This time last year my mental health was so bad I could barely work. If I was employed there’s no doubt I would’ve been sacked. I limped along and slowly, as I rid my life of toxicity my energy returned. I re-entered the world ready to rise from the ashes and I got very excited about my new found freedom. I dove headfirst into creating again, said yes to new connections, decided to try and move to France, learn French and now… my human-ness is catching up with me. As spring dissipates it’s as if a soft slow summer is setting in, and I’m in the wrong gear. It’s time to slow down. I know my body and I have no choice. I refuse to undo all the good work I’ve done to get to this point.
I’m weirdly obsessed with death and regrets for a 35 year old but when your mortality has been in question I think this is understandable. It’s how I find the courage and motivation to live the life I want to live. Any research I’ve ever done confirms none of us wish we’d worked harder when our time is up. In fact, in her book, Bronnie Ware found I wish I’d worked less is one of the 5 biggest regrets of the terminally ill patients she nursed.
Yesterday I received a health trend report which claimed more of us than ever are suffering from burnout. We’re engaging in bare minimum Mondays, easy Fridays and quiet quitting. It’s always good to know we’re not alone in how we feel but it’s even better to have a path forwards. This is how I’m planning to deal with the burnout cliff I feel I’m lingering on the edge of and my hope is no matter what your work or life situation, you’ll find value in these steps too.
Acknowledge how you’re feeling
Recognising how we’re feeling and accepting it is the first step to dealing with any emotional struggle. Positive emotions are easy to notice and acknowledge but when it comes to burnout it’s sometimes harder than it sounds. This is because there can be a lot of shame attached to struggling to cope. We’re conditioned to fight being human and the limitations that come with this, especially in hustle culture. Working hard, being ambitious, striving to have it all and leading a busy life are seen as positive things - and they can be, but not when we’re the ones suffering as a result. It’s not weak to struggle, it’s normal, don’t fight what warning signs your body is sounding to the point of mental and physical exhaustion. It will catch up with you in the end either way.
Show yourself compassion
As CEOs of our own lives we get to choose if we’re the best boss in the world or the worst. Seen as we have a choice it makes sense we should be the best. There’s no point in making our lives any harder than they have to be. There’s no point whatsoever in complicating our lives unnecessarily by adding obstacles, and treating ourselves harshly. Instead of going down the I should be able to handle all this what’s wrong with me? path think about how you would approach this if a loved one was in your situation. See what happens when you choose the I’m really struggling right now but of course I am, I have a lot going on path instead. We wish someone, anyone would swoop in and rescue us, organise our lives, tell us it’s all going to be ok, give us a hug, or a massage but we can do this for ourselves. I hate to be the one to break it to you but nobody is coming to save you. It’s up to us to construct the lives we want for ourselves. We can save ourselves and what a beautiful act of self-love that is!
Pay attention to your energy
What energises you and what drains you? Everyone is different here and there’s no right or wrong. Some of us are energised by spending time with friends, others are exhausted by it. Answering emails is an easy task for some of us where as it takes up a lot of energy for others. Get intimate with this regular questioning in all areas of your life and use it to your advantage. Consider keeping a running chart of how a particular thing makes you feel throughout the week. Rank or grade your work tasks, home life duties, social events from A to D with A being the easiest most energising and D being the least. Noticing is how we take ourselves off autopilot and start living from a place of intention. Embrace a mindset of curiosity instead of living out of habit.
Scale back where you can
In its simplest form burnout is our bodies way of telling us to slow down. We do this by cutting out the excess and taking breaks. We can take big breaks by scheduling time off and actually taking it or saying no to engagements that aren’t fulfilling or necessary for us to free up time. We can take little breaks by making sure we get outside for a walk when possible and taking time to eat our meals. If you don’t make space in your life for you and what matters nobody else will. If you’re looking for a book recommendation, it isn’t the most obvious but I would say Essentialism is the one for you in terms of burnout. It’s a great education in learning how to let go of doing the unnecessary to create more time and space in our lives. The question I still ponder from this book when I’m facing overwhelm or burnout is what would happen if I didn’t do this thing? When applied to our daily lives it highlights how much we don’t have to do as opposed to how much we think we have to do and how warped our minds can become.
Prioritise your wellbeing
So often we give up the things we need the most when life feels overwhelming, even the basics like food, water and sleep. Lunch get’s skipped because we scheduled too many calls, we wake up earlier or go to bed later to cram in a few more tasks. We’re living in a world where wellness is branded a luxury we can indulge in when we get the rest of our lives in order. I don’t have time to exercise, meditate or sleep because of x,y,z are ample excuses to run ourselves into the ground. It’s an understandable way of thinking but not it’s not true. We have the same amount of hours in a day as anyone else, it’s what we prioritise to do with it that differs. We can choose and choosing ourselves is always a safe bet. The more we invest in ourselves and our wellbeing, both physically and mentally the more equipped we are to live an energised fulfilling life. This is where real strength lies.
Don’t underestimate the consequences
Burnout isn’t a millennial fad everyone needs to get over and toughen up about. It can be serious. We aren’t machines and we’re being expected to do more than ever. We have more choice than ever with how to spend our time but humans don’t thrive in atmospheres where there’s a lot of choice - just look at the online dating world. Serious burnout can lead to crippling anxiety, depression, being unable to work or function full stop. The longer it goes on the harder it is to turn around and the longer it takes to recover. Take the signs your body is giving you seriously and listen. You owe it to yourself and both you and your loved ones deserve better.
Speak up
It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to feel overwhelmed and it’s okay to voice this. If the research is anything to go by we’re all feeling the same way and there’s power in voicing our vulnerabilities. You don’t have to carry on regardless, you don’t have to strive to have it all, you don’t have to keep going the way you are. Admitting how you’re feeling to yourself is the most important but after this talk to a loved one you feel you can trust to show compassion, a therapist or a friend. Voicing how you’re feeling can be a huge relief and help you feel less alone. It also makes you more willing to ask for help, take hold of the situation and deal with it because now it’s real. The more we normalise it being ok to not be ok the more we can create a new culture that doesn’t accept burnout as part of everyday life, because it shouldn’t be. All of us deserve so much more.
Let me know in the comments if you’re feeling burnt out, or whether you’ve felt this in the past and also how you dealt with it.
Lots of love
Jessica xxx
Hi Jess,
I’ve just read your reply to Bethany’s comment, and I completely agree that we seem to be living in a world not designed for humans. I think this is why I’m increasingly finding it so hard to navigate this world - there’s so much I don’t understand or even want to! Social media, technology, AI, reality TV, excessive materialism, obsession with appearance etc etc.
We are moving away from what it is to be human and live a life with real meaning. We seem to forget that we are simply animals, yes with higher levels of intelligence, but still animals with basic simple needs like food, water, shelter, a purpose, safety and love.
Jessica, can I just tell you that your letter came at just the perfect time! Im facing horrible burnout in both my job and life in general because of expectations put on me that are unrealistic at my work. My husband has even said these crazy demands are spilling into our life now. And Im finding that my biggest fear is being considered not enough or bad at my job, when I work super hard and always try and give my best. So thank you, because it was felt like someone giving me permission to not be ok with crazy demands and that Im headed down the right path in setting healthy boundaries. We all run on seasons and summer is time to regroup, rest, and plan for the upcoming school year. Wishing you much rest this summer and thank you for giving me much needed encouragement today! You are awesome and so eloquent with words :)