Hello you!
What made you book a one way ticket to Paris? This was a question I received in response to a good old Instagram ask me anything earlier this week. Last weekend I shared in a vlog that I’m going back to Paris - on a one way ticket this time so I was ready for all the understandable questions. It’s a bold move. A risky one. What did actually bring it about? The simplest answer is because my heart told me to but of course there’s more to it.
The longer I sat with the question the more I started thinking about how I’m no longer interpreting other people’s fear as my own. I didn’t ask anyone’s opinion before I booked my one way flight, I told everyone after. I didn’t want to hear all the questions, the objections, the but what ifs. I knew it would only stain my excitement. My choice feels right in my body, I didn’t want to give anyone the chance to talk me out of it, I didn’t want to be made to feel like I was being a silly dreamer or my dreams didn’t matter. I didn’t want the alternatives like why don’t you just go for a weekend either.
When we put our dreams, desires and wants out into the world it seems everyone has an opinion, especially those closest to us, and they have no problem telling us what these are. When I wanted to move to the countryside, when I wanted to work for myself and when I wanted to start horse riding again after a break I experienced an ambush of push back I had to overcome emotionally to find the courage to do it anyway. It doesn’t have to be big life changes though, we can experience this any time we go against the status quo according to others.
This is how we work as humans. When we see someone else doing something or someone shares an idea they have for their own life with us we react according to our own reality. We think about whether we should be doing the same, what might be stopping us from doing something similar. This is why there’s very little point in worrying about what other people think of us because most of the time we’re all thinking about ourselves. The problem is when we get caught in the crossfire and the voices blur. I’ve finally realised these voices aren’t mine, yet they pitch up inside my head and it’s hard to smoke them out once they’ve set up camp. They tend to stick around and turn up the volume every time a new idea or dream pops up.
If we’re already feeling brave for thinking such big dreams let alone saying them out loud we’re vulnerable. We’re literally stood on the edge of a dark forest with a hunch there’s a fairytale kingdom on the other side. We’re about to put ourselves at risk for a maybe and our brain will naturally come up with lots of reasons not to in order to keep us safe. The last thing we need is an actual real life person to project their fears onto us too. Goodbye courage, goodbye dreams, goodbye fairytale castle that was waiting for us all along. I’ve seen this happen to myself and to friends too. A job offer in London quickly squashed because…it’s expensive to live down there, how will you find a place to live? An acting career squished because …that’s not for people like us. What tends to follow is resentment and worst of all regret.
My one way ticket to Paris situation doesn’t mean I’m never coming back but it does mean uncertainty. Nothing destabilises us quite like uncertainty but I’m doing this to myself on purpose. I want to push myself to surrender control, see where my intuition takes me and figure things out on the way. Perhaps I’ll come home in a week, two weeks, two months or never. Who knows! A few months ago I couldn’t imagine taking such a risk but now it feels right for me so I’m going for it. Not everyone will feel the same the same exhilaration I do, and that’s ok. They don’t have to but the most important thing is not to let other people’s reactions sway my decision. Even if it is a huge stupid mistake I’ll later regret and should have seen this from the start, I need to learn that for myself and living an intentional life means doing what feels right for me in the moment, in this particular phase of my life. Regrets are fine, we all have them. What’s not fine in my opinion is knowingly accumulating more. And so we find a way to try, to make things happen in a way that works for us, one step at a time, to feel the fear and do it anyway.
This is why self-belief is so important as is those we surround ourselves with and especially those who’s opinions we value or turn to when we need support. We are the captains of our own ship and we get to choose our course. Moreover if we don’t choose we risk floating aimlessly or letting others choose for us and how can we possibly live a life that’s true to who we are with this approach? We know what’s best for us. These hopes and dreams that niggle away inside of us are created by us for a reason and that’s pretty magical. It isn’t our job to squash them, to distance ourselves from them, it’s our job to be open to follow them and trust we’ve got what it takes, because we do. You do! I don’t know about you but I have enough of my own fears, I don’t need everyone else’s on my shoulders too. Knowing the difference between the two at least clarifies what’s going on, eases the overwhelm and most importantly makes the impossible seem that little bit more possible.
Ok heart, Paris here we come! ❤️
Have you had experience of this? Have you overcome it? Let me know in the comments
Lots of love
Jessica xxx
I very much recognise what you write about here. I am still learning how to do things without running them by other people first. As if my own dreams, thoughts - even opinions about how I live my life are not really valid. I am still unpacking where that comes from, but I am beginning to see patterns that point in some directions, though.
I remember one time where I followed my intuition without asking or even telling anyone. I was at uni. I majored in English and had started my minor in History. English always felt right, but History? No. Like a pair of shoes a little bit too small.
A few months into the first semester at History, my back got messed up and I could not attend any lectures or seminars. Honestly, I had trouble even sitting. I knew, I either had to start the semester again or start something new. I chose the latter.
I ended up choosing Art History. I have no idea why other than I knew it felt right. Interesting. Beautiful.
I did not remember ever really visiting an art museum, and I knew almost no contemporary artists at all.
Telling my parents - they were quite shocked. They doubted if I had made the right decision, and I remember feeling a bit gleeful that I kept it a secret until after I had enrolled there. It was my choice. Not theirs or anyone else's. And it felt right.
I practice with smaller things too. Going on a day-trip to another city without telling anyone is a favourite of mine. If I tell anyone, the magic of it is gone. I feel like I have to practice answers for their inevitable questions about the trip. They end up following me like heavy shadows, even if they don't mean to.
Other people's doubts, expectations and projections feel like a burden that feeds on the magic of a dream. My dreams are my own, and if I share them with anyone, it is because I feel they are a safe person to share them with. I don't want to question my dreams, I want to nurture them, help them grow.
And Jess - your dreams sound wonderful! I am rooting for you!
Loved this letter. I remember in my 20s deciding to move back to Russia. The first time I went (right out of college) people were supportive. Two years later after 1 yr in Israel and a year back home in the US, I felt it was time to go back to Russia and it was now or never. I felt that was odd but committed to the school I was going back to teach at for two years and they were amazing years. I did move back to the US briefly to get married and a year later had moved to Latin America. All the while ppl kept saying well thats no place to raise a family, its not safe, etc. But deep down I knew it was where I was suppose to be and had to get bold with people to set that boundary. It wasn't the easiest decision and life was difficult but I knew it was right and Im glad I didn't listen to people who although well meaning, couldn't comprehend this kind of decision. So all that to say, ;) go with your gut, be safe, and whether you stay 2 weeks or a lifetime, enjoy it to the fullest and I can't wait to see what happens next :)